She loves me not

Tonya, Tammy, John and I had gotten tickets to see a few bands in a town a few hours away. We often did things like this, go on adventures out or in town. Most the time it was the 4 of us, occassionally it was a larger group of 6-8. Sometimes people were slightly interchangable; but most of our adventures included the 4 of us. 

It’d been this way for almost 2 years now. It started with Tammy and John dating. Each of us were friends with at least 1 of them, and when they started dating, the group of us all became closer. It wasn’t ever weird with the four of them; didn’t ever feel like a 3rd wheel or even a double date. We just all enjoyed hanging out together. It kinda became a thing.

Silly me, developed feelings for Tonya. It probably had a lot to do with the fact that most of the time it was the 4 of us. Sure, John and Tammy, didn’t rub their relationship in our faces while we were all out. But I started to notice the little things between them; the brush of their hands while we were walking down the street, not quite hand-holding, but not just an accidental touch. The quick I love you kisses, when they thought no one was looking; the silent glances of admiration when the other’s laugh reached their eyes. All that definitely helped make me long for someone I could share those things with as well.

What is it they say about out of sight, out of mind? I think the opposite is also true. When you spend enough time with someone, you start to develop feelings for them. Sure, there has to be something there, some sorta spark to begin with, I don’t think it can just happen with anyone; but with that spark and then time. It’s almost a natural progression for feelings to form. Isn’t that a thing?

At some point in the last few months, I’ve started to have feelings, romantic feelings for Tonya. Sure when we were together, we were flirty, and even sometimes our random texting conversations were on the edge of inappropriate flirty. I never could really tell if Tonya did have feelings for me too, or if this was just all fun. I wanted to just ask; but, I was scared. I didn’t want to disrupt the dynamic if she didn’t feel the same.

I had this feeling that this weekend, the time was right. We had gotten two hotel rooms, because it was an anniversary of some length for John and Tammy, so they wanted to get their own room. Originally, there was going to be two more friends coming with us, Kyle & Matt; but they backed out. Even still, it didn’t seem awkward, but more of perfect timing for me, that Tonya and I would be sharing a room. Sure we’d slept in the same bed, tons of time. Plus expecting 2 more, I had gotten a room with 2 beds, and probably a couch.

We had quite the adventure on the way out of town. Flat tire 30 minutes in; then 15 mins back on the road and we get stuck behind an accident. Waze had us get off to avoid it, which took us through a quaint little town that the girls had to get out and take pictures at. Finally, we arrived and checked in, and they didn’t have my reservation, and were all out of rooms. I could see the disappointment in Tammy’s face, thinking she would have to share her room with us as well; it was the polite and generous thing to do. Then, the hotel attendant declared the presidential suite was empty, and since it was their mistake; I had the confirmation email; she would put us in it for the same price i requested. Score 1 for me!!!

After a quick refresh, we all met for drinks and dinner before the concert. All night, Tonya was bitching to Tammy about how much she likes Kyle and she was disappointed that he didn’t make this trip. It was kinda weird at first, hearing her talk about him; then it was just annoying that she didn’t involve me or John in her conversation. A few times we tried to change the subject, but she just didn’t seem to care. It was definitely annoying. 

Besides being heartbroken by both the fact that Tonya was into Kyle, and not me; and that she was the kind of person to not care if she was ruining other people’s night by her trivial drammatic outbursts; the concert was great. By the time we had actually gotten to the concert, Tonya seemed to have said all she needed to about Kyle and was ready to actually have fun. John and I let them do their girl thing for a bit, the Tammy wanted to dance to the songs and have fun with John; so it was back to a group thing. Thank God for Tammy to then still including me as part of the group, like normal. She even did tell me at some point, she saw my disappointment and felt bad for how this played out. ‘Good news’ she said ‘at least you found out before you made a fool or yourself; or worse, something happened in that presidential suite of yours’. I laughed at that. Leave it to Tammy to always find the brightside in the situation.

The concert ended, we had a nightcap at the hotel bar. I had a feeling that Tonya was a little drunk, hell, I think we all were by this time. She wanted to keep drinking, Tammy & John were ready to call it a night; and Tonya told them to go-on; I’d stay and drink with her still. As soon as they left, Tonya upped her flirting game with me. It was fun and all, but I was guarded; having been disappointed by her. After the bar essentially kicked us out, and we headed to the Presidential Suite. The bed was large enough, we could both sleep in it, but I kinda wanted to play it coy for a while. There was a pull-out bed too.

On the elevator, she leaned in and kissed me. Like really tried to kiss me. I played coy, as the door opened to our floor and we got out. She grabbed my hand, and we walked down the hall that way. Once in the room, she tried again to come in for a kiss. This time, I let her know “No. I spent hours listening to you talk about how much you were in love with Kyle , and wish he was here instead of me. I’m not going to fucking touch you tonight. In fact, I can call the maid to set up the pull-out couch for you if you’d like. Save you the trouble of making it up yourself.”

The look on her face was priceless. I almost didn’t get past 10 seconds without busting out in laughter. Sure, after I cracked up, I told her she could sleep on the couch; but she could also sleep in the bed with me. It was big enough, and we’d done it before with no issues.

What’s your dominant…?

Let’s talk about the word dominant. This word definitely has many meanings based on context. Although dictionary says: governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence; we definitely have taken that to a different level.

Dominant hand in doing anything, writing, batting, sports, etc…. and then there is the Dominant is a relationship. The one who is actually charge. To even a more sexual sub-culture, a dominant and a submissive; the Dominant holding all the cards and giving all the comands, while the submissive just does whatever the dominant says. These roles can be limited to just the bedroom, or relationships in general these days.

While, I’m happy to play those games on occassion, Hell, who doesn’t want someone to make all the decisions on occassion; that’s not the lifestyle for me. But I am increasingly interested in the use of the word dominant hand.
I walked into a conversation once, where a girl was having a chat with some dudes, about masturbation and dominant hand. She exclaimed that somestimes she masturbates with her non-dominant hand to pretend that its someone else touching her. They all laughed, and I did too. Although, laughing wasn’t my first instinct. I had more questions. How can you literaly touch yourself and pretend its someone else; that’s some legit denial situation happeneing.

Years later, I hear of some show telling young men they should finger a girl only with your non-dominant hand; so later, when you masturbate you can smell the fingers of your non-dominant hand; while you are stroking your shaft with your dominant hand, like you should; so you can imagine the gist of her and get yourself off faster. I wonder; is that really a thing?

So I decided to poll my friends, and this is the result:
Those whose dominant hand is the right, this question was fairly easy to answer. Always or almost-always with the right hand. Using the left was not a thing.

For those lefties, the question of what does it take to be your dominant hand. For instance, which hand you write with? or swing a bat with? Didn’t consider the fact that often everyone is taught to use their right hand for many things, even though it feels more natural to use the left. That complicates the answer. But once we established that dominant hand is whichever one feels natural to you, the same result. Dominant hand wins out.

So my conclusion is, the chick that likes to masturbate with her other hand to pretend its someone else; she has one Hell of an immagination, or she just crazy.

And those guys that want to use their non-dominant hand on me now, so they can masturbate and smell me at the same time, my response to you: are you 12? Do you think I’m going to cut you off of playtime, after you get to third base? (That’s what it was in middle school, right, third base) And then i’m not going to recipricocate. I mean sure, I’ve experienced the times where we start to fool around, and one should likely start there; and then we fell asleep/passed out/whatever… but that was both of us. So I find it utterly absurd to think that you will need to satisfy yourself later after we are done. If that is truly the case; then man up and let a girl know. We may be greedy sometimes, but fuck that noise. If you get me off, especially a few times; I owe you to at least get you off once.

Movie Theater Joke

Just a few guys having a chill night by seeing a movie. Todd and Charlie put a Miller Lite in each pocket before going in. They had done this before. Get in, sit in the back row and crack a couple beers during the movie. As soon as they did, Shane was pissed that he didnt have one too. Todd told him to take his ass to the car and get a few, like them. Instead of grabbing a couple  he grabbed the entire case. Shane just casually walked back into the movie theater, with a case of Miller tucked under his arm, past the concessions and ticket taker, and into the theater, back to his seat.

Of course some dude that works there, followed behind him a minute later, and was like what are you doing? You can’t bring that in here. Shane replied, without missing a beat, “Oh, sorry. I wasn’t aware.” in a beautiful British Accent. To which the employee asked where he was from. Shane’s reply, not here. Where I live this is ok. Again in the accent. The employee, told them all, because clearly he caught everyone with our cans too; to step outside and finish the beers, put the rest in the car, and to enjoy their movie, and The States.

How could they have let this luck get away from them, after that awesome exchange? So after the movie, they hit the bar. As luck would have it, Shane kept his British accent up all night. He even ended up going home with a girl because of it. In fact they kinda dated for a few weeks. Damn Shane kept the accent up the whole time. It was sad in the end, he really did like this girl, but he’d been lying to her or she’d been an idiot; so….

After a afternoon long sex session, where Shane nearly forgot twice to keep up the accent, he decided he was done with the charade, and was going to come clean. After some food they were sitting on the couch watching TV, and he was about to come clean, when she looked over at him, and asked him to be exclusive with her, and be her actual boyfriend. So, now was as good as a time as ever, thought Shane; he responded “I don’t think that’s a good idea” in his normal accent. She just looked at him like he sprouted a horn on his head. “I’m sorry that I’ve lied to you, but this isn’t going to work out.” She was still speechless, still no words, or even acknoweldgement of understanding in her face, she was straight deer in headlights. He tried again “Susan, this is the real me. That accent, well, it started as a joke to prevent my boys and I from getting into a little trouble, and well, I just kept it going. Then when we met, it was fun, and you digged it. I didn’t think I’d see you again after that night”. 

‘Wait, how is your American accent so good. Have you been practicing for when you meet my parents nextweekend. You are the sweetest, Shane.’

“No, wait what? I don’t think you are understanding me. I am NOT British. I’ve been lying to you for weeks. I’m sorry. I like you and all, but this isn’t how to start a relationship”

She was speechless, didn’t say another word, Shane waited a few more minutes, then just walked out.

Epic Halloween

This Halloween was EPIC. Karen’s costume was On Point. Her out-of-town boyfriend was in and agreed to finally do a couples costume with her. She chose Beetlejuice, the wedding scene. She scoured the thrift stores for the rattiest suit and something red for herself. Done.

Her costume was so perfect, red pouffy tafetta dress with red tufts in her jet black wig, up-do styled by the dead. Karen was normally a blond with very peach skin. But this night, she was Lydia Deetz, jet black hair and snow white skin. In her full outfit, even her boyfriend Jerry barely recognized her as Karen. He looked pretty stellar himself, channeling his inner Michael Keaton as B… They looked great. Wasn’t any way that anyone would have to ask what they were dressed as.

They went to the first stop, one of her classmates parties. After getting a drink and making the rounds, Karen found it super odd the way her friends were acting. They barely said hello, then turned back to their prior conversations. What the hell. Jerry wanted to go out for a smoke, so she obliged. They ran into Chels outside smoking, and engaged in conversation. After a few minutes, Chels exclaimed “Wait.. I’m sorry, but Karen, is that you?” Ya, of course it’s me. Who did you think it was? “Shit. I had no idea, you look amazing with black hair, I assume that’s a wig. Fuck, I didn’t recognize you at all”  Of, well fuck. Maybe that’s why Abby and John were acting all weird, you think they didn’t recognize me either? Let’s go fuck with them, and see who they thought I was.

That was fun, since Jerrry didn’t live in town, most of Karen’s friends had only met him once or twice; not enough to really remember and recognize him in costume. But the fact that Karen wasn’t really recognizable either, to people she spent countless hours with every week all semester. Damn.
With their new found confidence in their costumes and a little liquid encouragement from some of her friends; they decided to go to a local bar and enter into the costume contest. Luck would have it, they actually won. That excitement and continum of drinking led to some high sexual tension between Karen and Jerry; not to mention that he drove in that afternoon and they straight went into getting him dressed so not to be late to the party.
Jerry had the idea that they could go have a quickie in the bathroom at this bar, and no one would really notice. Plus sex in a public restroom was on their “sex bucket list”. So what if this bathroom only was a single, it was still a public place and a bathroom, and besides they could do it again somewhere else, but they were gonna have sex now.

So into the bathroom they go, together. They had been heavily making out in the middle of the bar, so there was little to no extra foreplay needed at this point; now in the bathroom, Jerry was rearing to go. Karen, however, was in a very complicated multiple layer outfit, that while included all sexy materials: lace, satin and mesh; did not allow for easy access. Jerry tried to undo the zipper, but nope, that was stuck; damn thrift store purchase. Then he tried to prop her on the sink, and was just going to rip at the tights, but again nope. The hoop skirt portion of the skirt and all the added tulle made for a super uncomfortable situation for both of them. Satin and hoop in her face, and tool and satin and hoop all in the way for him. Super frustrated, he wipped her back on her feet and spun her around and bent her over the sink; He didn’t care that the hoop and crap would be out of the way and on her back, while her face was flush against the mirror; he needed his dick inside of her NOW.

Second thrust in, and CRACK. Her head which was flush against the mirror had moved enough, that the damn bobby pins holding her head things in smashed against the mirror and somehow cracked it. They laughed, confirming no personal damage done and kept going. Jerry was so rile up, that it was pretty rough; but people were starting to knock on the door, wanting in. So he needed to make it quick, which typicaly meant a little rougher. He reached around to massage her clit too, knowing she needed to get off too; when that change in motion caused just enough to knock the sink off the wall. Not totally of course, but it was no longer level against the wall, and the pipe underneath was spewing small amount of water. Not a major leak, just a heavy dripp. Fuck. Now he couldn’t finish, and neither did she. But um, yes, in the commotion, he successfully managed to rip the zipper clean out of the seam, so she now was having to hold her costume dress up, and closed in the back.

They cleaned up the best they could, and hastily left the bathroom, to an unsupecting small line of other patrons, which they told, that one was out of order. Thank god, they had paid cash and not opened a tab. They definitely snuck out without saying goodbye.



This thing happened the other night. It’s kinda hilarious. kinda weird. And definitely will not happen again.

Not sure if it tells better if I give the background to the story or not. But here it goes..

So this guy was over, after hours, I was a little drunk, not sure if he was or not. But he definitely wasn’t completely sober. And, well, we were fucking, in my bed. Well, the headboard to my bed is essentially a bookshelf. Cool right. Well this was practically the first guy that I had invited over. And, while we were fucking, well… let me paint the scene for you.

So it was not quite missionary, but I was on my back and he had my legs up, and he was fucking me, hard, just the way I like it. When my Magic Box falls off the top shelf of the bookshelf headboard, and opens up and spews magic toys all over the bed. So yeah, by magic toys I mean dildos, and vibrators, and magic balls and naughty lingerie. He literally stopped fucking me, and penis still inside of me, said… what the fuck is that?  Clearly, he was refering to the fact that there now was dildos strewn across my bed, and other sex toys. I was so embarrassed, but; at the same time not. Was it so bad that he knew the real me, the me, that was into kinky sex stuff, and can never get enough sex? 

So in his stopping of thrusting, he picks up a clit massager, and was like, what is thing? Yes, dude, its what you think it is; can we ignore that, and keep fucking me. Your penis is still inside of me. Then he picks up “The Moby Dick” and was like, FUCK, I can’t compete with that. Nah dude, that’s not lifesize, but bigger. I can’t actually fit that, I was over zealous when I ordered that.

I hastily put all the toys and stuff back in the box, and just wanted it to be fine, so he would keep fucking me like he was before, the Box incident. He helped put the toys in the box, and exclaimed that  next time, we would explore what they did. Ha. Next time, who the fuck was he kidding; there would definitely not be a next time.

So the Magic Box, was now back on the shelf, and the fucking resumed, and all was right in the world again. I got off and all was good. There was still this looming awkwardness, becuase with this dude, I didn’t need the Magic Box to get off, and it was Vanilla as fuck. Bit in this scenario, not totally a bad thing. If only I was willing to fuck him again, the magical times we could have with The Magic Box….

Baker’s Dozen – The Finale

#12 – Security Director. Why hello Tinder, I’ve missed your antics. Feeling frisky and in town for less than 48 hours, I cast a wide net. Including this guy who’s profile doesn’t show his face. We chat, easy convo gets me worked up. He working late, we agree to meet up when he gets off, first 11, then 12. Then he invites me to the venue for a classic fantasy bathroom hookup. Knock that experience off my list, yes please. Walk in and upstairs to the bar, for a whiskey near (as instructed). He messages ” you looked nervous”. Well, ya, I dont know what you look like. “I was at the door”. Oh, nice play. You knew it was me, verified when you looked at my ID. Silly me. “When you are halfway done with tour drink come downstairs and I’ll tell you where to go. On second thought, down that drink. Let’s go.” Instructs me to go through the closed restaurant on the first floor and down the stairs to the restrooms, into the last stall, and start to get myself ready. Damn. Maybe it was the prospect of being caught, although chances were slim; or that itd been a really long time since I’d gotten with a random; but I was glad I decided not to wear panties, they would have been dripping. 

He did all the right things. And again, I was reminded I get to loud, good old push me against the wall and hand over my mouth. Fuck Yes. Not sure how many times I came, but damn glad I took the chance and played that game!

#13 – The Magician. No, really. We matched on tinder, he said he had a show from 8-10, so I asked if he was a musician. He said nope, a magician. Hmm, ok, well, show me a trick, I can get down with that. We chatted forr a while, then when we were both done with our things, we met up. We met at his building and walked to one of his favorite local bars. It was an amazing place, rotating chandeliers, just a really cool place. We had a drink and chatted. References to go back to his place, I was all about it. He had a dog, and told me his name was Simba, I was sold on that. After our drink, and a few well placed touches at the bar, we headed to his place. He told me the decor was similar to the bar, but i didn’t expect this. Walk in, and its more of what I would call a loft than an apt, and the entry hall had some interesting art pictures, I was looking at while he greeted Simba. Then Simba came to see me and wanted all the love, he went to set the music and probably hide whatever he had out, then he mentioned the Throne and Suit of Armor. Like, an actual fucking throne and suit of armor. This guy… This place was legit. 

In the kitchen, he fed me the most amazing ice cream as promised, and gave me an IPA. As if, I wan’t already into this. We made out for a bit in the kitchen, then moved to the bedroom. He had suit jackets on cloth busts on the way. I didn’t even notice the pool table until the way out. HIs bedroom was amazing. I am still a little amazed, and wonder how a magician makes that kind of money. Poor Simba was asleep on the bed, and promptly was kicked out, when all the clothes came off. He had the most amazing tattoos on his chest and upper arms, not all things connected, but beautiful and cool.  He did just the right amount of carressing and spanking and just hitting all the right places. I loved his reaction to his dick in my mouth, and between my breasts. This was fun… I can imagine the things that we could explore. We talked about Brunch. Not weird about the fact I got up and got dressed, he showed me his favorite art work, cool as fuck under the black light, and I notices the pieces with the crayons, that he made… Too bad we don’t live in the same city, he would be fun to have around. I left and got totally backward in the building, ended up exiting at the alley, in the rain… but o well, what a better conclusion to my 2019 goal?

That’s a wrap. I’m by no means done with getting different dick, but I’m not in a hurry to keep finding different ones. I just want a few that I can have on a regular basis. If I find a new one along the lines, ok, but I think I’ve caught up, and know how to get one in a hurry if need be.

So…. what’s up with the

well, I decided to rank the Baker’s Dozen. He’s the loose criteria I used….

One donut

Amazingly perfect. Definitely do it again.

Two Donuts

Had fun, good technique, room for improvement.

Three Donuts

Has potential, would fuck again, but needs some instruction

Four Donuts

Just Ok, wanted feedback and to confirm ” he did a good job”

Five donuts

He wanted to cuddle. Just no. That’s not what this was.

Baker’s Dozen – Part III

#9 – The Bartender. we were drunk, end of story.

#10 – the Construction Supervisor. Another tinder match, a few days after I said I was done with that for a while; but I couldn’t help myself from swiping. He immediately (literally the third message he sent) asked me to come over and watch TV with him. I was in a good mood, feeling risky, and said sure. He suggested a few hours later. Suggested not only a time for me to come over, but gave me two options for how long I could stay, 2 hours or spend the night. I told him, I’d let him know after I showed up; who can make a decision on how long to stay without any actual conversation or meeting him. He told me he’d send me the address later. I assumed that meant I wouldn’t hear from him.

An hour and half before the scheduled meet time; he sent me the address; a hotel downtown. That kinda freaked me out, so I didn’t respond until a few minutes before that time; and was like, sorry I fell asleep, and now its too late for me to come over; and asked how long he was in town for. Clearly hotel meant he wasn’t from here (at least I hoped that’s what it meant, and that he wasn’t just escaping his wife for the night). He said he was in town all week. So I agreed for a raincheck for definitely two nights later, maybe the next night. He said ok.

I woke up the next morning to a message from him “Good Morning.” Complete with kissy faces and roses. I was non-committal about seeing him that night, and then around that same time; told him sorry, not happening tonight. Next morning, again woke with another similar message from him. 
I was honestly doubting that I would go and meet him. I kinda was crushing on The Bartender, and couldn’t get him off my mind, so I knew I probably wouldn’t be fully into it. I discussed it with a friend over a beer, and decided to take the advice of go for it. Why not. Experiences are experiences, and knock another off the list. He had messaged me his cell phone number the day before, so I texted and confirmed he still wanted me to come over; and off I went.

I felt weird about walking into a hotel and going to a person’s room that I didn’t know; but I did it and owned it like a boss. We sat on the couch and watched TV and enjoyed a beer for a few minutes then started making out. He didn’t exactly look like his pictures, but told me I looked like mine, and other random compliments, so it was good enough to be #10. 

The physical part itself, wasn’t amazing, wasn’t bad. He figured out how to make me orgasm a couple of times and squirt all over him; but it was only aight. I’ve learned that for shorter guys, if I’m on the bed, at the edge, they have better control if they stand up. So we did that, which also allows them to easily rub on my clit while fucking me. So, he did two things I thought were a little odd. For one, he either rubbed or fucked, didn’t do both at the same time. And right before he rubbed, he would lick on the finger that he would rub me with, and would change hands every couple of seconds. Like dude, clearly I’m wet enough, you don’t have to add your spit on your finger every couple of seconds. It was weird.

Best part, after, we sat on the couch again to finish our beers, and he told me I “Popped his American Cherry”. He explained that although he was born in America, he did spent a good amount of time in Mexico during childhood, and was clearly from a hispanic family, and socialized with mostly Hispanics. For a long time he was afraid of girls with blue eyes. But alas, I have very pretty eyes, and he’s not afraid of me. – Well good for him; I should hope a man in his late 30s isn’t fucking afraid of a woman because she has blue eyes.

He’s in town for at least another week; so maybe I’ll see him again; but probably not.

Construction Worker:

#11 – Occupation unknown. I never really got around to having a conversation with him, so dont know jack shit about him. He’s periphery friends with my friend, so I’ve gotten some second hand knowledge now, but to be honest, I dont actually care. So, was out of town, met up with a group, he was there. My friend and his friend go way back, they had a spark, so there was definitely sexual tension in the air. This dude, started to get a little handy with me. At first I resisted, because I wasnt really feeling it, and I was told he was a “nice guy”, so NOT my type. But after thinking on it, I decided why not. No effort on my part, and I get #11 knocked off the list.
So after he kissed me in the bar, then tried to legit make-out with me, IN THE BAR (should have been first red flag). He said ‘do you wanna have fun tonight?’ I said sure. And he invited me to his place and off we went. He had a roommate, so we went straight to the bedroom. He tried to take my jumper off, but thought it was a shirt or pants, he was clueless. So I start the process, but make him help, because I cant really unzip it by myself. 
So we fooled around. He asked if I was into butt stuff. I said nope. He later asked ” what’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done in bed, because we should match that tonight” apparently, I really wasnt into him, because again, I lied to him. ” hmmmm, I really havent done anything weird, I guess I’m pretty vanilla”. Sex was aight, especially at the beginning, maybe it have been too long because I definitely enjoyed it. Later he suggested we give each other rim jobs. I said, nope. Not my thing. Again he asked me what was the weirdest thing I’ve ever done. Gave him the same answer. He kept complaining about how tired he was, and had no stamina. We go back and forth from fucking to kicking each other to making out, and repeat cycle. He kissed my mouth like he kissed my biscuit. Poking his tongue in and out. I was over that for sure. We decided to take a break and get a little sleep, naturally first I was like, nah, I’m gonna leave. But he begged me to stay and I caved. Slept for maybe 30-45 minutes, and he was on me again. He asked “on a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you like my wang?” I was like “I’m sorry what?” He just repeated the question. Wait, what? My response ‘I’m not a number person, it was alright’. “So, like a 7? I’ll take that”. Little more fooling around and he again asked me the weirdest thing I’ve done. At that point, I was annoyed and kinda dried up. We attempted another few positions unsuccessfully, with his awful kissing, awful position of bruising my thigh with his elbow, and tired himself out. Then he checked the time.  Perfect, I realized that was my escape. So I was like, nope I got to go he begged me to stay a few more hours, but I was done. So I put my clothes on and was out. Bye. 

Baker’s Dozen – Part II

#5 – Hotel Manager. After what I assumed was blowing me off for hours, he finally decided he was ready to meet me. At that point, I was skeptical, so I made him come to me. And boy did he. We talked about his delay, which included his brother and a bottle of crown peach. I was jealous, peach is my favorite. Low and behold, the bar had crown peach, so we got a shot. Yum. Conversation was decent, and he was attractive enough, but all I cared about was that dick. So after a while we left, I refused to bring him to my place, and he didnt seem like bringing me home was a good idea, so he suggested a hotel. I was all for it, how fun was this. The first place we went, he asked me to stay in the car, and he’d work it out. He was in there for so long, I started to sober up and wonder what the fuck. That’s when he came out and we left, apparently they had no vacancy for us. So we went to and found another one., headed there and checked in. Then he grabbed the bag of snacks and the remainder of the crown peach he shared with his brother, and we has a few more drinks (or I did) before I stripped down, and we made out and then fucked. I was drunk, and it was definitely not memorable. I woke up hours later, forgetting where I was, then realized, and tried to take advantage and have some fun I’d remember, I definitely wasn’t hung over, yet. But that got me no where. So a couple more hours of sleeping, then trying to get some, and back to sleeping; and I got up and started to get dressed to uber home. He got up, apologized, and then said to wait, he’d take me back to my car.

The Hotel Manager:

#6 – Wolverine. Before we even met, we had phone sex. It started as sexting and turned into a phone call. Then we met for coffee. No hand shake, no hug, he straight up when for a full blown tongue out kiss. We enjoyed some coffee, then walked to a nearby park. We walked the park, he showed me some neat statues and carvings, we walked hand in hand, and he stole a few innocent kisses. Then we sat at a picinic table and enjoyed the view. His hand slid up my dress, and I knocked it away, knowing there were too many kids around for me to let him do what I wanted. We then left the park and went somewhere a little more private, bottle of vodka in hand. 

Clothes were lost, and we started to play. But, he wanted to talk. He did most of the talking, I just listened, and said a few innocuous things here or there. We fooled around, slow at first, too much talking in between, but hell, we had all night, what was the need to rush? After a couple rounds of heavy making out at petting, things got more serious. He made his way with his mouth, to my dripping bits. In that session, I believe I came 3 or 4 times and that was before he did “the move”: mouth on the clit, and fingers in both holes Once he figured that out, he had me squirting; every hour or so, all night long. He refused to give me what I want. Maybe he knew this would just be one night, and was trying to prolong it was much as he could. I awoke the next morning (not for the first time that night) but to him licking again on my clit. As soon as he realized I was indeed awake, boom, all the fingers where I liked and I was cuming like clockwork for him. Then he rolled me over, came up behind me and wanted to cuddle. Ugh, my least favorite thing. Then that turned into his penis getting larger and larger, and rubbing not just on my ass but in the right place. Finally, he was giving me what I wanted. But atlas, a disappointment, before I really started to enjoy myself, it was over. A night full of orgasm after orgasm, ended in a frail disappointment.


#7 – The College Professor. Tinder match. He identified as a dom, profile picture didnt show his face. I was intrigued. We chatted, he sent me a picture, not bad. We struggled to find a time to actually meet. He also told me he was in a relationship, but he liked to have fun on the side, and she “knew”. I thought about cutting my losses there; that’s not okay, really. But at the same time, I just wanted a one and done, so…. 

We finally met up, he came over in the middle of the afternoon, I only had a short window between commitments. We kissed at the door, and went straight to the bedroom. I had been watching Jurassic Park, so that was still on. We made out for a minute or two, then he went down on me as promised. I was only wearing a very over-sized tshirt and panties, so access was pretty easy. It was not very good, for a second it got really close to being on-point, but even that was short-lived. I was literally watching Jurassic Park waiting for him to be done. He set the tone as the “DOM” so I didn’t want to rock the boat. But damn, this whole experience didn’t have a happy ending. 

The Professor/Dom:

#8 – the Actor.  We matched at about 4am, after I posted some new pics or me from that event, Boob city. We decided to meet up for coffee the next afternoon. He was already there when I  arrived,  talking to a young girl, way younger than me. So I went ahead and ordered a coffee. I saw him sitting alone after I had ordered, and walked up to him. He seemed confused, and so I thought, shit maybe it isn’t him. He doesn’t exactly look like his pictures, but… we talked and sat down and enjoyed our coffees. Then he asked what I wanted to do. Honestly, I was torn between saying ‘bye Felicia’ and I need some dick bad.

So I listened to him  talk about trying to be an actor, he had some gigs, for commercials and movies and tv shows, but nothing that he felt was good enough yet. And frankly, nothing I had heard of. Then about how he wasn’t eating right now, because he needed to lose some weeight and he could only spend so many hours at the gym. Then he suggested we go back to my place. Ok, I can get behind all this for an afternoon fuck.

We didn’t waste anytime, and frankly it wasn’t very good. But sex we had, then he wanted to shower. Um ok, we barely even got sweaty.

“The Actor”:

Begining of Bakers Dozen

When you actually think about it, I spent 12+ years with just him.. 8+ years of marriage, a few years of dating before that. Allmost 13 years of wasted time. My life before that was great, since I can remember I was also into boys, and got all that I wanted from them.. Some people might say I was a nympho (and frankly, some people did say that); but I prefer to just think I always has a healthy sexual appetite. Really from the time I could remember, even before I really knew what sex was. So, i that realization of almost 13 years with the same dick, which turned out to be a waste of time; I feel like I deserve a batch of fresh, new dick this year. 13 to be exact, one for each year it was just him. And this is how it played out:

#1- The fuckbuddy. So not his profession, but thats how I’ve come to refer to him. I’ve known him for years, we actually have a professional relationship, over the years I’d randomly see him out. The night it started, we ran into him and I blurted I was getting divorced. I was drunk, he was drunk. We chatted we flirted, he whispered sexy talk in my ears, I was wanting and went with it/him home. I sorta remember the car ride, his hands in inappropriate places while we were in the back of the uber. Then clothes coming off from the door, through kitchen to bedroom. Last thing I remember was my mouth on his dick. 

Then I woke up, head on his chest, no clothes on anyone. Said fuck, and got the hell outta there. Only a mild freakout at 4am. Texted my homies, and send another message or two I shouldnt have.

Next day, he legit tried hard to get in touch, after he had a fate with my friend, because when she told me she was going to watch the game with her, i admitted i went home with him the night before. We finally connected, and he wanted me to come over for pizza. Nope. That wasnt happening, all too weird and new. He just went on a “date” with my friend. So we met at the pizza place. Best conversation I had in a long time. Before we ordered the pizza, somehow things shifted and the sexual tension was unreal, so we got the pizza to go, and went back to his place. This time, I remembered everything, and damn was it amazing. And the second and third time that night was just as good. The time inbetween was good too, just hanging out. Hadn’t done that with a guy in a while.
Subsequently, we had some good conversations about what I needed, and what he likes. And every now and again (monthly or so), we hang out/ aka have sex. Thus, hes my fuck buddy.

Fuckbuddy –

#2 –  The paramedic. He was the first one I officially met from the dating app. Three days after I signed up. We went on a true date, dinner at a restaurant, he bought. That part was over quick. The conversation was dull, and he escaped to the bathroom for so long, I wondered if he left me alone at the restaurant. He asked if I wanted to go somewhere else, but he doesn’t drink; so where would we go. I agreed to go back to his place, knowing that was the best shot of knocking the first off the list, I wasn’t ever going to see him again. We watched some TV for maybe all of 5 minutes before shit got real. About 2 seconds of couch play and we moved to his bedroom. Thankfully, he lived alone. Things progressed and I hoped they would and it was fiine. Not great, but well knocked that one off the list.

After the first time, he asked if we could just lay there and he could cuddle me. Even my ex-husband can attest to the fact that I am not a cuddler. Sure it feels great for all of 3.5 seconds; but after that I typically get hot, or uncomfortable, or just annoyed and am over it. But, not wanting to be a complete bitch, I let him have his few minutes of my torture, I mean his cuddle time. Then that’s when it got weird. He began to initiate a round two, but it definitely was a little awkward. He kept asking for compliments about his penis, of which I was like sure, you are right. Then he wanted a handjob, easy sure. I got this. He got up to get some lotion. Dude, are you 12, I have better lubrication than the Jergens you keep in the bathroom; but I went with it. The good girl I am. But his instruction on what he liked, kinda threw me for a loop. Clearly I had been out of the game longer than I cared to admit, but this was a new one for me. He didn’t really seem to want an actual jerking, but more a rubbing one out, either way, job was done and I didn’t have to lick it. Win for me.

After another fucking couple of minutes of cuddling, and him proclaiming how long it had been for him bullshit, and blah blah blah. I said, oh, its late I need to go. He said, no rush, you can spend the night. I was like, “Nah, I have to get home. Have an early morning” So I got up and started to look for my clothes. Of course I fucking wore leggings that day. That meant not just panties, bra and dress, but fucking leggings and of course a sweater too. I had the bra on, and the panties, and was starting with the leggings, when he stopped me, and threw me back on the bed. He came down and kissed me like he meant it, Ok, I was thinking, I can dig this. Then he flipped me over and had me get on my hands and knees. Then he pulled the one leg of the leggings I had managed to get on my ankle away, and came up behind me. Moved my already wet panties to the side, and started with his hand. Yes, I thought, this was going to be good. Then he quickly replaced his hand, quite too soon, with his penis. What happened next was all too quick, well too quick for me to get much from it, and seconds before I had just high hopes. Then when he was spent, again, I went ahead and got dressed. Then left. He gave  me a quick kiss as I walked out the door, but that was it. He did eventually message me again, 4 or 5 days later, and then again a couple of months after that. But I was done. He didn’t quite get my motor running.


#3 – The student. His profile said looking for friends with benefits. Dang, thats exactly what I ultimately wanted. He came and met me at a bar after I’d been Mardi Gras parading all day. We left to find somewhere “quiet to talk”. That pretty much just meant we went to his car, and drove around to find a parking lot. He had roommates, and I sure as hell, wasn’t bringing him back to my place. So we stopped in a random parking lot and hooked up there. It was awkward and uncomfortable, and damn was I D-R-U-N-K. After he dropped me back off at the bar, all my friends were there. And judging by the missed texts were missing me.

I had the WORST bruises on my legs, from the gear shift and the door in subsequent days. Car sex is no go, I’m too OLD for that shit.
We talked again a few time, but I wasn’t feeling it. So i told him “nah, not happening”; that Mother-Fucker kept texting me every 5-9 days for months. Damn hommie, I said we were done.

The Student:

#4 –  Teacher – I was flirt texting with a couple of guys online since the day before; one of whom I thought I was going to meet that afternoon. The texting was borderline sexting, and that really got me going. But atlas, he ghosted me, so I was left with my friend and her date. So opened the app, and tried to pass the time. One of the guys said he’d be free in a few more hours. So I matched wth the teacher. And we started talking, things turned dirty quickly, and I was excited. I told him where I was, but he said he had family in town or some shit, watching the basketball game and couldn’t get away. My response was, well I’m at this bar, so….

Then he said, well I got to run an errand, and can meet you in the parking lot for a few minutes. I was like ok. Let’s do it. Then he said, great I’m leaving now. Not sure if he was really coming or what would happen, I walked up to the bar, saw a friend, squeezed in next to her, and then rudely clapped and yelled at the bartender, that I needed a shot ASAP. He got me what I needed, and I apologized for my rudeness, all forgiven. Did my shot, and then he said I’m here, in the parking lot.

So I told my friend and her date, I’ll be back in a few minutes, got to get something from my car; and walked out the door. Found the teacher, and headed with him back to his car. Unfortunately, he definitely had a car, with very liittle room. We both got in the backseat, and immediately started to make out. I was wearing a dress, so that made access easy. After a few minutes of that, he had me get on all fours, best I could in the back seat, and he went to town. He didn’t even bother removing my by then soaking panties, and just slid them to the side, touching, licking caressing everything he could get a hold on. Then he smacked my ass. I think I about came right then, damn, that hurt and felt amazing at the same time. Pretty sure I did definitely squirt with his next progression of moves, I was moaning and feeling so good, forgetting the fact we were in the backseat of a car (thank god for those tinted windows) in a busy parking lot, it was only 8pm. After a while of me getting my fill, squirting and coming everywhere, I decided I was uncomfortable, and decided it was his turn. I flipped around with my deliciously sore ass, and sucked his dick til he came down my throat. We went back to calmly making out, until it started to get hot and heavy again, with his hands pushing aside my already soaking panties. The rest, well I’ll leave that to your imagination, backseat car sex is no easy feat. Neither was composing myself to walk back into the bar and rejoin my friends.

The Teacher:

Infinity Stone Challenge

Jenni’s best friend Jaz stmbled upon the most interesting “meeting”, on the patio of her favorite bar. Jaz was in the mood to sit outside that evening, for a change, the weather was not over-bearingly hot. She walked outside to see if there was a table they could sit at, while Jenni got their drinks. First she noticed Dave, he was Jenni’s most recent ex. This wasn’t completely abnormal, they’d see him here on occassion.

Great. Jaz thought. Why does that asshat always show up when we are having a good time. Oh well, I’ll guess we’ll have to sit…wait a second. I think that is Brad and Kyle with Dave. Do they know each other? Maybe its just a coincidence. But, I better go stop Jenni from getting those drinks, we are deffinitly going somewhere else

A few weeks later, Jenni & Jaz went to Smokey’s, this place that usually has great bands. That night, not so much. They wandered upstairs to see if that was any better, Smokey’s has a small room upstairs and a balcony, its always a god time. There was a DJ there, and the bar room was completely empty. Perfect, they controlled the music and danced the night away. At some point, some other friends showed up, and then some other randos. Naturally Jenni flirted with the DJ (and bartender). Somehow, the conversation between the DJ, Jenni & Jaz turned into what bars in town they had each had sex in. Mostly the sex took place in the bathroom of the bars, but occassionally it was somewhere else. There were some that they had all experienced, and then they each had a few the others had not. 

“Well, none of us have had sex here at Smokey’s, so, who is it going to be? Let me help y’all get all the Infinity Stones of bar sex in this town”. 
“That’s not actually a horrible idea. No, not us having sex with you here, but a contest of who can get all the stones first.”
“Yes, let’s do it. Well maybe not all the bars, but let’s pick a number to get to. Only, from here forward, only the first one at a particular bar will count.”
“Ok, let’s say 10, that puts us all about halfway. So what does the winner get?”
“YAASSSS, I love it when you quote Jurassic Park.”
“No really, what are y’all gonna do for me when I win?”
“Hmm, if you win, we’ll have a threesome with you, here at Smokey’s. And when one of us wins, you will take us out to dinner and then dancing and drinking all night.”
“Sure, I’m gonna win, so I’ll take that bet.”

They shook on it, and with that, the Infinity Stone Challenge was created.
DJ  was up by two in the first week, but that lead didn’t last. There was only one time that all three managed to have bar sex in the same night, luckily for them, it was at three different bars; so it all counted.

Both DJ and Jaz just needed one more to hit 10. All the Infinity Stones were almost conquered. Jaz decided she would win, with her favorite bar. One of the bartenders she knew from there, told her once, he’d love to fuck her in the bathroom. And she was going to take him up on that offer that night. 
Except, things got a little interesting when she got there. First, the General Manager Bob was there still so definitely had to wait for him to leave. He’s so suspicious of everything, and is constantly wanting to talk to Jaz about Jenni. So, they would likely be caught if he was still there.

Jaz went outside to escape Bob, and see if there was anyone good out there. And she saw Dave, Kyle, Brad and a few guys that looked vaguely familar. She went back inside to take a shot, Mr. Bartender fuck buddy already had a few lined up on the bar for them. She told him about Jenni’s three exes outside together, for the second time that she knew about. Bartender then threw a curve ball, he didn’t know all the guys, but knew Dave, and told her that him and his crew had been coming in weekly for a couple of months now.

“Wait, what? Are you serious, so they do know each other?”

“I guess, that crew comes in usually sits outside, have  few drinks and leaves. I’ve served them a few times, overhead some of their conversation, honestly it sounded like some sort of self-help group, so I never really paid attention. Except to the guy with the beard, his drink orders are weird.”

“Explain weird”

“Well, he mostly just orders sprite, but occassionally, he’ll ask for a margarita with no tequila. Just the mixers.”

“You have got to be kidding me. I’m pretty sure that is JP, another one of Jenni’s exes. What the hell are they doing together? So I know I promised bathroom sex, but I’ve got to go figure out what the hell, so….stick around and we’ll see what we can do.”

Few more shots real quick, and Jaz started to head back outside, only to run into JP on the way. He said, “Hey, I was coming to talk to you. Your name is Jaz, right?”

“Uh, ya. And you are JP?”

“That’s me, darling. So are you here alone, or is Jenni hiding around here somewhere?”

“Just me, well, I’m not by myself, but Jenni isn’t here. I was chatting with my friend Doug over there.”

“Ok, cool. But you and Jenni are friends, right? Like best friends?”
“Well, yes and no. So, here and I are kinda fighting right now, so I don’t really know where stand. Do you need another drink?”

“Oh, ok. Yes, lets’ get some more drinks, then I think you may want to join us outside.”

What the hell was happening? How am I going to explain this to Jenni?

“Dave you were right. They are on the outs. So, for those of you that haven’t met her, this is Jaz. Jaz, I think you know Dave and Kyle; but probably not the rest of us. Brad, you start.”
“Hi Jaz, I’m Brad. I dated Jenni after JP, we lasted about 4 months.””Hi Jaz, I’m Kevin. I dated Jenni after Chris, right after we graduated, for a little over a year.” And so it went on, the rest she didn’t know introduced themselves in that manner.
“Ok, cool. So what is this, Jenni’s exes club? How did y’all even meet, and what the hell is actually going on?”
“Well, Darling, we actually refer to this little meet-up as Jexes. And yes, this is a support group of sorts, for us scorned by Jenni. A few of us ran into each other, and eventually started talking, and we ended up getting this group together. Dave noticed you haven’t been hanging out with Jenni as much lately, and thought maybe you had been scorned by her too, and since you’ve seen us here a couple of times, we decided to let you join us.”
“Wait, what? Y’all are fucking with me, right? Also, how the fuck do you know I haven’t been hanging out with Jenni lately?”

Jaz sat there, mouth open, listening to them try and justify their stalking behavoirs. And talk about Jenni.

Clearly I’m in the Twighlight Zone or something. Is Mercury still in retrograde? What in the hell.

When they started to ask her questions about Jenni, and what was her experience with her bad behavoirs; she stood up, declared she had to use the bathroom and would be back. She went inside, found Doug at the bar, ordered two more shots for herself, and practically pushed Doug into the bathroom with her.

Doug literally fucked her brains out in the bathroom. She absolutely needed that because Jexes. But now, she definitely won the Infinity Stone Challenge.

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