Mississippi Pants

Janice finally had a night off from her life. She decided to orchestrate a night out with her friends. It was a Friday afterall.

They met up at a local bar, where they knew they’d have a good time and meet some random people. The four of them each had at least 3 cocktails, and a shot or two; so everyone was feeling great.

They interacted with a group of younger men, it was a good situation. The girls were into it; the boys were into them. The boys were probably a smidge younger; ok, thats an exagertion; some of thos boys could be Janice and friends kids; if they got knocked up freshman year. Sure, its possible.

So all mixed together; it was a good time. Janice especially, found this one guy, Tony, that they were clearly into each other. Not too much time had passed, and she was sitting on his lap. All flirty, it was all good. I watched him smack her ass, then lean in for a kiss. Everyone was all about it.

Time went on, and everyone got drunker, or more fucked up. Rumor was, some of the boys were doing some side activities, and not sharing with the group. I have no idea what Janice did or didn’t do.

All of a sudden, or what it seemed to me, the boys left, and without a second thought for me and Janice. Yes, we were still around. Janice on some rando’s lap; and me, taking to everyone and all that. They peaced out in a hurry.

So I told Janice, we should go home. The boys left, it wasn’t worth staying out anymore. She refused to leave. So I went ahead and closed out, and got my ride home. I’m not going to be responsible for her, the bar can cut her off.

What I’m sharing from here on out, is an account of what happened, from multiple of the people that worked at the bar. So reliable, but also, taken with a grain of salt.

Janice was cut-off from more drinks long before I left. She apparently was a red flag to the bartenders. Maybe she was like that all night because her kids were well taken care of by the new step-mom; or maybe it was a gradual sitch. She gave the bartenders some kinda vibe that she didn’t need more alcoholic beverage; so she was absolutely cut off, long before I left. I didn’t even notice. I guess she always had a “drink” in her hand.

After I left, Janice went and sat outside on a bench, presumably to wait for her ride; just like I did. But no. She waited on the bench for a while; and then at some point looked up, and saw the boys she met and flirted with earlier were sitting at a table outside. So after sitting lonely on the bench for a minute; she got up to join them.

Except, when she walked up to their table; they ignored her. She was drunk and weird and they didn’t want any part of that. They thought if they ignored her, she might go away.

NOPE. Janice was beyond the point of reading subtle hints, or even blatant hints.

She tried to interject into their conversation soo many times; so I was told by an outsider. But none of them boys wanted acknowlege her.

Eventually; one of them said; “Fuck It, Lets Do This” and acknowledged her. They asked her all of the hard questions; that usually would make someone walk away. ‘So, you have kids; where are they right now? Are you a responisble parent?’ ETC…..

Janice, didn’t give a fuck at the hard questions, that were 1000% valid; she just walked away from the dude that was asking; and moved closer to the one she sat on earlier. Except, she didn’t notice that guy had took a chair and placed it upside down on his lap, so she couldn’t sit on it. Who does that….

Well, the people at the table next to them, maybe realized why. As Janice moved through he crowd and leaned over to the lap guy, with a chair in his lap; the adjacent table laughed big; out loud. Someone said; that chick pissed her pants.

Janice absolutely was wearing jeans and a cute top. But when she walked through the group to bend down next to the guy that she thought she maybe had a chance with; she didn’t consider someone else would see her from the back side.

A random fucking chick, looked over, and saw Janice, drunk as fuck, saunter over to the boys, and watched. Well, when she came to the otherside of their spot; this chick noticed; that Janice appeared to have peed her pants.

To anyone, that looked; there is only one tell tall sign that someone peed their pants, and its that very obvious. Wet spot in the seem of the pants.

Sweet bartender, said in her ear; ‘hey babe, looks like you maybe had an accident’. well thats not surprising; was the response.

Then, Janice kept trying to talk to the boy. all agreed he wasn’t a real man, but a boy. she literally had a pee pee pants stain and wet spot in her crotch. She did not care!

Eventually, the boys that were being kinda shittty to her; stop playcating; and went for the jugular. She wasn’t at home with her kids were she belonged; and she continued to pee her pants while people were talking to her. So, it was all fair game.

Eventually, Janice tried to make friends with other people; but it was too late. They saw her behavoir, and didn’t really want a part of that. She eventually got in an uber and went home. And that was the last anyone saw of her.

Hopfeully, Uber driver; cleaned his seats; because she definitely peed her pants/ seat on the way home.

That Service Industry Life

I’m so thankful my server/bartender days are over, and also glad I had the experience that I did. Serving can be a hard life, I truly feel for those that make it their life. That shit can be hard. Not even just dealing with the customers that are often bullshit human beings; but its just a hard life. I think the worst part is the DRAMA that comes with it. I mean when most of the staff is the same general age, 20-30s; and service industry hangs out with other service industry. What else could it be than drama.

Joey was chatting to bartender Roxie about this girl that him and his roommate banged. He was explaining how fucked up the situation was, that she was first talking to and hanging out with his roommate Jaxson. And then he thought she maybe moved in. Well after the 3 of them hung out a few times together, one night, Cindy announced she’d be sleeping with Joey that not and not Jaxson. Joey claims he was shocked and did a WTF motion, when Jaxson said, do what you want.

After that, Cindy, pretty much went back and forth between the two bedrooms and guys rooms. The worst part according to Joey’s story was she was like a starfish when they fucked. He confirmed it wasn’t just him, Jaxson’s experience was starfish too.

Roxie asked what Joey meant by she was a starfish in the sack? He said ‘Dude, Cindy Johnson, great to look at, gives decent head; but lays there like a starfish or more accurately a dead fish when she fucks’.

“Brah, shut the fuck up. Don’t talk about my sister that way” chimed in the random dude sitting next to Joey at the bar; Roxie immediately walked away and sent one of the bouncers in Joey’s direction to prevent a huge fight from breaking out.

Lesson Learned: Don’t use people’s full names when you are talking shit at the bar. Never know who could over hear you.

Jane got promoted to manager after less than 6 months at The Rain. They seemed desparate. Apparently, the manager that was in charge when she started and until last week, slept with most of the servers on staff. Oh, and not just the girls; some of the guys too. Apparently, Jonathon did not discriminate either sex in his inappropriate advances. Jane did wonder while she’d been empoyed at The Rain, why there seemed to be a different favorite every week or so. Upon hearing the rumors, she understood a little better.

Jonathon’s inappropriate actions started small, so the story goes. A small comment here, an awkward gesture there, lingering touch everywhere. All before he was even a manager, so the story goes. He was otherwise an exemploray employee and coworker. Wasn’t a surprise when a manager position opened up, that he was the top candidate. That’s when he shifted, as soon as he was a manager, and a new girl was hired; someone who only knew him as a manager; he took the authority to his advantage.

Leah, was technically hired before he was a manager, but she started after, and only knew him as a manager. Her manager, specifically. He treated her slightly different from the get-go. It wasn’t long before she was in his bed. Their situationship actually lasted for almost 2 months. No one is completely sure how it ended, but she did quit before it ended. After that, when more new staff were hired, the trend of Jonathon picking favorites and getting what he wanted from them continued.

Until last week. There had been a turnover problem with servers for a hot minute. Sure there was a select group that had been here for years; kept their heads down, did their work. Trina, the most recent casulty. Actually told upper management in her resignation letter that she was leaving because she saw Jonathon’s super small penis, and she no longer respected him.

Story goes, upon the General Manager hearing this info, talked to some of the older staff to gauge their opinion. He had heard rumors that Jonathon had relations with many of the staff; and those that didnt have relations with him got shit treatment. Investigation deemed the rumors true, or at least mostly factual. Enough for action from the GM. And that action was to fire Jonathon, and promote essentially a newbie, albeit one that showed great leadership, charisma, and had the staff’s respect.

Newly Single AF

I met this chick at the bar. She was cute, but more importantly she wanted my dick. So, I was about it. She was a few years younger than me, maybe barely legal, but I aint about to check no ID.  Did I mention, she was into me.

We did this coy flirtyly thing all night. Then when I was ready to go, I went and whispered in her ear “Are you ready for me to rock your world tonight?”

Clearly, I took her home.

Well, actually, we went to her place. It was easier, and then I didn’t have to have the awkward conversation with her the next morning, because I wouldn’t be there.

I’m pretty sure she has daddy issues. Well, at least I hope she does. There is no way she could look her father in the eyes after the time we spent together. This chick was into some crazy ass stuff. We had a great time.

It started the way it always does, she was holding my hand, leading me the way to her apartment through the complex. As soon as we entered her apartment, before the door could even shut, I was pushing her up against a wall and kissing her. Hard. Shoes were being kicked off, clothes starting to come off, tongue down throat. Somehow we made it to the couch, with most of our clothes still on, and got into a more horizontal position.

‘Spit in my mouth’, she moaned. So I did. I could practically feel the wetness dripping down her leg at this point. Clearly, that got her going. She pulled my cock out and started to suck. HOT DAMN, did she lick it good, licking underneath my balls too. I was puddy in her, hands, mouth, whatever she wanted.

I didn’t have to wait long to find out what she wanted though. Soon, she insisted that I fist fuck her while she was sucking on my cock. And damn, was that hot. She was squirting all over the place while gagging on my cock. She would whisper dirty things to me, and I would say some dirty ass shit to her. It was HOTTT. Apparently, we went on this way for a little over an hour. I was in heaven. I wasn’t even mad when she said she was spent after I came. I told her, to give me 5 mins and I’d be good to go for more. She inisted she was satisfied and done, and had a good time.

She gave me very specific instructions for how to exit the complex and get to where I parked, I didn’t need that. I remembered the way, so I barely listened.

My bad, somehow, I ended up in the pool area. And by the time I realized, the door closed behind me and I was stuck. It wasn’t so bad, there was a bunch of TVs around that were still on, plenty of pool chairs to hang out in. Even a grill. It was a little warm and tropical feeling in there with all the plants and humidity from the pool. I checked for all the exits, surely there was one I could use that didn’t require a key fab.

Fifteen minutes later, when I determined I really was stuck, the TVs turned off. FUCK.

I had no choice, I had to call her to come let me out. I made a joke about it not being very safe with no exit. When she said she was coming, I offered her another round of my cock. She didn’t laugh, but hung up. I spent the next 5 minutes, getting comfy on the pool chair, not knowing if she was actually coming to let me out or not.

She did open the door, and laughed, regurgitating to me, my lame joke.  This time she walked to me to garage where I parked. When we got there, she stood in the doorway for a second, and joked about fucking me on the hood of an adjacent truck.

I didn’t know if she was being serious. So I let out an awkward as fuck giggle, and said OK. She cracked up, and walked back into the building with the door shutting behind her. And that is how I knew I was back in the Single AF Game, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

Project Pigeon

In my retirement, somehow I have become very paranoid. At least that’s what my therapist told me before I quit seeing her. She told me it wasn’t uncommon for someone in my situation. Hell, my career was surveillance, it was my life for years. She also said I was delusional that someone would want to spy on me. If she only really knew.

I had told her, I worked for a large company and was in charge of their surveillance system, so I spent most of my days watching video footage. All of that was true of course, but the parts that I didn’t tell her, because I wasn’t allowed to, would have ruined her outlook on life; and she wouldn’t have called me delusional.

This record being my journal of probably my last days on earth, I don’t feel that I need to keep these secrets anymore. It’s not like THEY will let anyone read them anyhow.

The large company I worked for, was actually the US Government, the CIA, to be specific. And while I did spend a lot of time later in my career reviewing surveillance footage, the begining of my career I developed and tested a new system. We called it Project Pigeon. I was part of the team, well that’s not entirely accurate, I led the team that developed the robot pigeon used as a recording device.

Unlike this popular theory I heard a few years ago, we didn’t invent the pigeon. Birds are real people. We just invented the robot pigeon, that looked and acted exactly like the real pigeons. They would even eat your crumbs and shit white-out mixed with charcoal to make them seem more real. In reality though, these pigeons were strategically controlled to invade unsuspecting nefarious characters conversations.

We were able to take down so many criminals, by figuring out exactly where their next plot was happening. No one ever really caught on to how we obtained the information, the local boys just got an anon tip from us, and made the bust. Sure we didn’t get any credit, but if we did, our track record wouldn’t have lasted for quite as long. Sometimes, I was able to infiltrate some sticky situations, and see into some crazy realtionships. I witness more people lie to and cheat on their significant others, its no surprise I avoided relationships of my own.

Eventually, Project Pigeon, was phased out. With cell phones, text messaging and google, people started having in person and phone conversations. The new guys channeled their energy into surveillance through the cell phone and different programs that people use. I don’t know much about that, clearly I don’t own a cell phone.

I didn’t really start to think someone was spying on me until a few months ago. I was enjoying a Sunday afternoon beer at my neighborhood bar, when a homeless woman came in and starting screaming to the CIA listening that she wasn’t doing anything wrong. I chuckled, thinking thats clearly not how it works; when she came up to me, looked me in the eyes and told me I was next on their list. They kicked her out and I finished my Sunday routine.

A few days after that, I was back at the same bar, it was a Wednesday for lunch. Not a day I normally frequent there, but I was craving a burger and a beer, I’m retired so why not. There was a random guy there, and we struck up a conversation. All was fine for a while, until he started to say some weird shit. He asked about football, I casually answered, not really knowing that much. Somehow that turned into the TV is watching his everymove, and that THEY are watching me too. Apparently when I got up to use the restroom, he started to say some weird creepy shit to the female bartender, so they kicked him out. When I returned to my seat, I saw him staring at me from outside the window. The bartender told me what happened, and we awkwardly joked about him for the next few minutes. When I left that afternoon to go home, he left a note on my car, saying ‘Shhhh, they are watching’.

Since then, I’ve noticed an unnatural amount of pigeons everywhere I go. Someone even left a gnome in my yard. I threw it away in my neighbors trash, clearly this is a new surveillance system. Even though I coulnd’t quite figure out why anyone would want to watch and record my actions; I wasn’t having it. So I packed up my beater truck, and headed here to my cabin in the woods. Let the pigeons try and follow me here.

Cute Neighbor

Beth loved her neighborhood. When Pat and Beth first moved into the neighborhood, they befriended a few couples that lived on their block,  it was a great area. After some years, some of the couples moved away; and then Pat dippped. But Beth stayed, she loved it. She loved it so much she even spent the last couple of years doing some renovations to make it even better. And now it was all hers.

During the early quarantine time of the Pandemic, Beth got a little doggy, Biscuit. Biscuit loved walks around the neighborhood. During their numerous walks throughout the day, Beth and Biscuit met a lot of the neighbors. She also learned that two of the neighboring houses that used to be homes for her couple friends; are now occupied by younger men. 

Paying more attention, Beth noticed that one of the houses had just two guys. They seemed like a weird dynamic, she would often watch them mowing the lawn together. One Sunday morning she saw them in their yard, cutting branches and picking up really long branches from the ground. She thought they must be a couple, and whatever works for them must work.

The other neighbor, had at least three guys and a dog. And the guy who seemed to own the dog, was HOT. Clearly he was younger than Beth, but she could look. They sometimes chatted about their dogs in the street. Beth always used her flirty laugh instead of her snorty laugh.

Beth hosted a crawfish boil, early in the season, and didn’t invite the neighbors. She told herself, if she saw them on her walks that day she’d invite them over. But the lovers, weren’t playing with sticks in their yard; and the cute ones weren’t out and about.

Apparently the cute ones noticed she had a people over and got slightly butt-hurt that they weren’t invited. The one with the dog told her so the next day. She promised to invite them to the next one.

They beat her to it, they had a party and invited her and Biscuit to come hang out. When she showed up, she met Tanner first, he was cute, but  not the cute one. She met all the boys that night, and in fact wasn’t sure who lived there and who was just visiting. She didn’t see the cute one, and never really paid attention to the rest of the them. Not to be rude, she stayed and chatted for a couple of drinks, she brought her own, of course.

Cute boys dog, Sebastian and Biscuit were playing in the yard; so Beth and Tanner chatted. He asked her about her recent house renovations. She told him all about it, begrudgingly, the conversation lasted forever. She was ready for bed, but took this opportunity to ask about the cute one. She asked where Sebastian’s dad was, and Tanner laughed, and told her he was Sebastian’s dad. “No, no’ she said, ‘the cute one that is always training him and playing with him in the yard”. “Oh, Luke. He’s one of the roommates, but legitimately, Sebastian is my dog. Luke may show up later.”

Time to peach out, thought Beth. She said her goodbyes to Tanner. “Do you think I could come take a tour of your renovations?” Annoyed, but she agreed. They walked Biscuit across the street to her house, and she showed him the master bath first, then the kitchen, thinking it was on the way out. Nope, he tried to kiss her. She said, “no, no.” just like she would to Biscuit.

He said, ok, my bad. Can I use your bathroom?

“Um, sure”

He was in there forever. Came out and said “Did you hear how long I pissed, that’s how long I can go. I have great stammina. You sure you don’t want to try a kiss again?”

“What the fuck dud. No. You are a baby, I’m 50. Gross. Besides, you aren’t the cute one.”

The Archive

Ted was a model employee. Always staying late to get the job done, a great mentor to junior staff, friendly and personable with all of the office employees. Not even just the office employees, but vendors and delivery drivers too. There would have been a time that no one that knew Ted would have seen it coming.

The last couple of months, however, some of the people he regularly interacted with, started to see Ted in a different light. He likely wasn’t really doing anything different, except maybe getting a little sloppy in his cover-ups; a little loose with his calculated lies. He probably got comfortable in what he was doing, and never suspected that it would all end in this way.

Ted’s across the hall office buddy was the first to catch on. He started to notice Ted telling their shared assistant he was going to retrieve a file from archive, but wouldn’t return for 30+ minutes. Even the oldest semi-unorganized files weren’t that hard to find. What sealed the deal for Mike’s suspicion, is when he started to notice Bridget, their shared assistant, was no where to be found when Ted was in the archive room.
Mike decided he had to confirm his suspicions of “getting a file from archive” was code for “making whoopie”. Of course, both Ted and Bridget were married. So double no-no. To confirm, he bought a bluetooth battery charged camera and strategically places it in the archive room, underneath a mirror affixed to the wall. Mike, knowing Ted, had a feeling he’d at least get some good footage from Ted in the mirror.

Sure enough, Mike “caught” Bridget and Ted the next time Ted went to ‘retreive a file’. Mike couldn’t bare to watch that time. But started to watch in subsequent times, and even recorded a session or two.
The next person that caught on to Ted’s secret was the IT guy. Mike had a virus on his computer, so in fixing the problem, Jarrod the IT guy, backed up Mike’s profile to the server. Jarrod thought it was taking a little longer than it shoud have, and noticed that it was super hug. He investigated further and found an archive of videos of Ted and Bridget, the one that confirmed it for him, was Ted looking apparently directly into the camera, giving a cheesy grin and thumbs up.

Jarrod was curious, and felt like he had good enough rapport with Mike to ask. Mike was elated, he had been waitiing for 2 months to talk to someone about this. He hadn’t brought it up to Ted, when he decided keep recording and keep some of the videos. They agreed to keep on with keeping on, it was their secret.

Jules was next to suspect. She was good friends with Bridget both inside and outside of the office. She started to notice that Bridget started talking about Ken a little more than usual when the two of them were together. Their husbands were friends too, and they often spent at least one night a week all together. When Bridget started talking about Ken only when her husband was out of earshot, she also noticed that he Bridget seemed to be “overloaded” with work from Ken, even though she was an assistant to numerous people, incluing herself. She suspected, but didn’t dare confirm. It was honestly better for her if she didn’t know.

One day, the office gossip, walked into the archive room as Bridget was leaving and caught Ted zipping his pants. Unfortunately, most of the office didn’t believe that Ted was having an affair with Bridget. They all loved him and his wife, they were the perfect couple. Lucky break, that rumour was quickly hushed by Jules leaving under what people called mysterious circumstances. Ted and Bridget took this as a sign to stop using the archive room.

A couple of months later, Rex, Bridget’s husband calls Teri, the Boss, confirming that Bridget was out of town at a training. Rex apparently was standing outside of the office parking lot, on a Saturday afternoon and was staring at the adjacent Red Roof Inn, where he swore he saw Bridget’s car. Rex was furious, but refused to walk into the parking lot and check the license plate. “I have a gun, and I’m going to murder him, not not just him, them.” Teri was able to calm him down and thought made the situation go away.

On Monday morning, Teri called Ted and Bridget into her office and sat them down. “Listen, I don’t care what y’all are doing, but if you are going to have an affair, don’t bring work into it, and don’t do it next to the office”. Bridget looked ashamed and appalled. Ted just had a stupid grin on his face, he said “You are right boss, our bad”.

You’d think that being outed by the office gossip, and then the Boss, and almost the husband; they would have learned their lesson.

A gloomy day, just a few months after that, Rex had become increasingly suspicious and his temper started to show. Bridget told him she had to go into the office to help wrap up a project that had a tight deadline, Teri asked everyone to come in for at least a couple of hours. After she had been there for a few hours, she texted Rex to say, that not everyone showed up, and she was going to be much longer than expected.

Rex drove to her office and didn’t see any cars except Bridgets. He sat in the parking lot for a minute or two, contemplating his next move. He texted her back ‘that stinks sweetie, want me to bring you and Teri some food?’. Then he noticed his wife, run out of of Room 7 of the adjacent Red Roof Inn, to not her car, but to somone’s truck. No not just someone, he recognized that truck, it was Ted. Her co-workers. He remembered from a few months ago at the BBQ, that Ted was bragging about his top of the line new truck, even offering anyone that would listen a ride. Bridget grabbed her phone out of Ted’s truck, stood in the parking lot in a fucking robe for a minute and texted back. ‘Aww, that’s so sweet. But Teri just got us some pizza delivered’.

Ready to blow someone’s brains out, Rex could only see RED. He waited a good 10-15 minutes, trying to calm down. Then he grabbed his hunting gun out the back, and walked to Room 7, and took one shot at the door.

Teenie Weenie

We met at the bar. I took him home. After walking through the door, he picked me up and put me on the kitchen counter. We made out for a while. Finally his hands started to wander a little more and we were starting to have some fun.

Once his fingers were grooving inside my panties, I was ready to take it to the bedroom. I was not about to have sex on my kitchen counter.
I finally got him convinced, we went into the bedroom and naturally he wasn’t prepared. No condoms. Lucky for him, I had some. Leftover from my last ex.

We take the remainder of our clothes off, and get back to making out touching things to get us primed again. Being ready he pulled put the condom and attempted to sheath himself.

Yes, attempted. He was struggling. It’s not like I had magnum size, I just had standard regular sized condoms. Well they were apparently too big.
Somehow he did some magic and was able to keep it on, when he attempted to penetrate me.

Yup, I used it again. Attempted. I guess technically it wasn’t an attempt. After I asked “what’s happening, are you going to fuck me?” He replied, I am, you can’t tell?

Oh shit. My bad. ” Oh, ya, that feels great”. Clearly he could tell I was lying. Two seconds later he said, “fuck this condom. I’m sorry, this just isn’t working.” Got up, put his clothes on. I also threw clothes on, and made awkward small talk with him while we dressed.

Gave him a kiss on his way out the door, and he said call me. I said see you soon. Knowing damn well I would likely never see him again.

About Last Night

So, last night happened. I’m not exactly sure what happened, well most of what happened anyhow. But it did, I feel like it was a good night, but I’m paying for it now.

Somehow, I managed to get up when my alarm was going off and get in the shower, so I can get dressed before Chad picked me up. It’s football Saturday, tailgating is a must. I tried to drink a beer, thinking hair of the dog, ya know. But that didn’t work. Luckily that was before Chad showed up.

He drove us to campus, which was the ride from hell; I thought I only lived 15 mins, but on Game Day, it took almost 45. Starting, stopping. Starting, stopping. Good thing I have a strong stomach and don’t get car sick; otherwise I would have totally embarassed myself in front of him.
We finally get to campus, and get a parking spot, further away than I wanted to, but all in all not bad. Well that was until as I was getting out of the truck, a hawk dropped a still alive but clearly paralyzed squirrel right next to me in the grass. Then dove down and started having his meal. I WAS TRAUMATIZED. Traumatized!!!

At that point, I told Chad, I needed to take a nap, in his truck, and I’d meet up with him soon. He was slightly concerned and started to protest; but then, he admitted I looked green and agreed.
Maybe an hour or more later, I awoke, and felt ready to start the party. Realizing I was significantly behind the crew, I was ready to get it. Although, I did have some weird dreams. In one, I was standing on a table, dancing around a pole. And when I say dancing around the pole, I was completely killing it on the pole, to the point my vagina should have been bruised. It looked alot like the bar we were at last night, what a weird coincidence.

Arriving at the tailgate, I stepped it up.We played beer pong, flip cup, and I did a ton of shots, all to catch up. It was great.

I then had a thought. Chad and his washboard abs. Can I play them, like a musical instrument? What sound would they make? Like a old school steel washboard? Would it make a different sound if it was my fingers, versus my nails? Or the wooden stick? What about his balls, if I ran his balls against that washboard abs, would it make a noise?

Unfortunately, I said at least some of those last thoughts outloud. But it was ok, I replied to his what the fuck, with “It’s okay, you can tickle my undercarriage, anytime you want”. He seemed playcated enough by that, as we went behind a tree and made out for a little bit.

Back at the tailgate, it was getting close to time to pack-up and head to the game. This guy Tyler I know walked up, and gave me a shit-eating grin. I casually said hey, waited for him to spill the beans. I give him props, he could have made a big show about it, but asked to have a private word.

I could only barely believe the things he told me about last night. So my dream of dancing around the pole, wasn’t just a dream, but a reinactment of what I actually did. That was inbetween going to the bathroom and fucking Tyler, and the other Tyler.

So ya, This one time at Walk On’s, I fucked all the Tylers.

Illicit Affair

Ok, so… you don’t need my second ticket?

No, I told you. I’m going to the game with Gavin.

I’ll try to get you ticket(s) as well, but you may want to also try.

Ok, so.. Can you call Connor and tell him the plan.

What plan?

That you don’t need my second ticket, so its available for him.

Do you already have tickets?

No, but I’m confident I’ll get some. And he needs to know the plan soon, so he can make arrangements to get there.

So, why do I have to call and tell him. I haven’t talked to him since the game a couple years ago.

Audrey, just do it; please.

That was the conversation I just had with Wendy. I’m at a loss as to why she wants me to call Connor. Sure in college, 30 years ago I was better friends with him at first, but they definitely became closer. And shit, last home game we were all in town for, they were absolutely buddy buddy. I recognized something was a little off, but not enough that I’d have to holla at him this time.

Let me go back to the begining, 30ish years ago. We all went to the same college. Wendy and I were sorority sisters. Gavin was in a fraternity, that happened to be like our brother fraternity. We did everything with them. I had actually known Gavin since high school, we had gone to the same summer camp. I noticed that they had gotten pretty close, he started to bring her to football games often, and they were usually each others dates for formals and such. Always as friends they said. We are just great friends.

I tended to believe that. Especially since, I new she had a boyfriend of sorts. I had never personally met Chas, but some of our sisters had, and why would she lie. So, I guess Wendy and Chas’s parents knew each other; and there was some sort of old school promise of their kids to marry to keep the families close. Wendy would sneak off evry few weekends to go and see Chas, and she always talked about him.
Our senior year, when Wendy and Connor had gotten really close, Amy told me she saw Wendy on more than one occassion spend the night in Connor’s room. That didn’t mean too much on it’s own, I’d fallen alseep in Connor’s room before. No big deal.

Then Amy swore that on the bus ride home from formal, Wendy and Connor were making out on the bus. Amy was sitting behind them, and saw and heard their tryst. When confronted about it Wendy just said Amy was drunk and didn’t know what she was seeing. Years later, Amy, Wendy & I were together, and Amy brought it up. Wendy told her she was wrong, that Amy was sitting in front of her and she has to witness Amy & Geoff making out. My initial thought was, hmm, Wendy’s story changed and Amy’s did not. So mabe Amy was right.

A few years later, the three of us were together again, hanging out on the beach. Wendy constantly talked about Connor, how he recently got a new job, about his relationship with his wife, their children. She constantly brought him up. Sure we knew most of the same things she told us, we were all Facebook friends with him, and had seen it all. I don’t remember who brought up that senior year formal, but it again came up. Wendy’s story this time started with similar denial of that didn’t happen. Then Amy asked about the nights she saw her leave his room in the fraternity house. Wendy was shocked. She first claimed that never happened. Then succumbed to the truth and admitted that she did spend the night there once or twice. Amy interoggated her on what happened.

Wendy then finally admitted to making out with Connor on the bus, Amy was elated and pissed at the same time. Wendy then went into full confession mode about her secret affair with Connor. Secret from Chas of course. Whom by the way, she never married or really saw much after college. That’s when I asked about when Connor started to date his now wife Meghann. She went to school with us too, but was in a different sorority, we didn’t really hang out in college, but I had a class or two with her, so sorta knew her. Sure at different weddings since college, we’ve hung out. Wendy was adamant she never spent the night with Connor after he started to date Meghann.

That night, we called Connor together on speakerphone and chatted with him for a few minutes. It was fun and reminenscent. We made plans to go to our alma mater’s homecoming the next year. We all met up, Connor brought Meghann and we all had a blast. We decided to make it a thing and go every few years.

Last time, Meghann and Connor had another newborn, so Meghann decided to stay home close to her newest baby, but let Connor come meet up with us. A handful of his frat brothers came that year too. It was a huge group of us. We had a blast. A couple of times while tailgating I lost track of Wendy. The last time, she turned up with none other than Chas. I finally got to meet him. There was definitely some weirdness going on. But whatever, I didn’t think much of it until later when Tony mentioned after the game how weird Connor got when Chas was there.

The next morning, we all met up for breakfast before we headed out. Wendy and I drove together, I live just an hour from her, so it made sense. Last minute, Connor announced, that he was riding back with us, Wendy was going to drop him off at the airport. That 2 hour car ride was the longest 2 hours of my life. They barely tallked to each other, or me. I tried to bring up all kinds of topics, they would answer me when I asked a direct question, but that’s about it.

As soon as we got to Wendy’s I jumped in my car and headed home. Almost a year later, Wendy got shitfaced and confessed some of what happened that weekend. Apparently the night of the game, they both snuck out of the hotel rooms to meet up, without any of the rest of us knowing. We weren’t even in the same hotel, they were close, but that’s some dedication. Apparently they got in a row about Chas, Connor was jealous. Wendy made it sound like her and Connor had been having an affair of sorts, and he said he’d even leave his wife. When Wendy showed back up with Chas, I guess Chas told Connor there was no need to leave his wife, that Wendy was his. So basically back-off. So that night, they argued about it, and then had a passionate kiss. Then fought about what to do next some more. Before they returned to their rooms, Connor decided he made a mistake, and was going to give another chance with his wife, and told Wendy they should end their affair.
Wendy admitted to be pissed, and said some really mean things, and even threatened to tell Meghann about the affair.

Apparently, once I left, Connor got a notification his plane had been delayed by a few hours. After he told Wendy, she said, he grabbed her by the hair and kissed her; and said let’s go inside. She said they had the most passionate sex they ever did, and is plane was rescheduled for the next day, so they spent an amazing night together. We didn’t talk much about Connor after that drunken confession. They didn’t live in the same town, so I sorta dismissed the seriousness of their affair.
I was super confused as to why she wanted me to tell Connor.
Fast forward to this game, Wendy ended up getting tickets with Chas, and didn’t say much else about Connor since I refused to call him. About half the group that showed up last time had planned to come, so we all made a game plan to meet up.

Before Wendy showed up, I was chatting with Tony about Connor, who did not make it to this game. Tony’s wife, Abby was sorority sisters with Meghann, and they had recently moved to the same county, and hung out often. Tony spilled all the beans about Connor and Wendy.
Starting to when we were in college, when Wendy used to spend the night with Connor, apparently that did happen a time or two, but most the time, Tony admitted that Wendy was found sleeping in Connor’s bed when Connor was shacking up with Meghann. I guess once or twice, he came home in the morning and screamed at her for being stalkery. Wendy and Connor weren’t best friends; she wasn’t at the wedding, and from what he heard they didn’t really talk for many years. A few time in more recent years, it sounded like they had reconnected and were friends; but things got weird. After the last time they were all at the game, Tony said Connor admitted that he did fuck Wendy, but it was the first and only time they ever hooked up. And she got him super drunk first, and he regretted it immediately.

Feeling sooo guilty, he confessed to Meghann, and begged for forgiveness. She made him work for it, but did forgive him. Citing some of their interactions from college, and his gumption for being honest with her immediately. But then, Wendy started to get stalkery again. At first, it seemed fine. She would comment on every Facebook post, like every single one. Then she’d text him every few days. Within a couple of months, she was texting, messaging and calling all the time. Eventually, Meghann had enough and asked Connor to cut off his friendship with her. They argued about it, but conceded something had to give. He talked to Wendy about it, and she was apparently astonished that there was an issue. She agreed to back off. In reality, Wendy figured out new ways to reach out, she used WhatsApp, and Facebook messenger. One night, Meghann had Connor’s phone while he was asleep on the couch, and saw the messages. She told Wendy that from now on, she should only call or text, that “he” had changed her contact to a name that Meghann wouldn’t know. Then Meghann blocked her on every single thing. She didn’t tell Connor for a while that she had done that.
Eventually, he figured it out, but realized it was for the best.

OMG, that made so much more sense on the whole situation.

So is one drunken night with a stalker really an illict affair?

Money. Money. Money.

I would do a lot for love, but I won’t do that.

Well,  I might do that for money. –  George exclaimed.

No one at the table was surprised by that though. There wasn’t much George wouldn’t do for a dollar. When we were all kids and constantly doing the ‘I dare you to _____” George always countered with, “how much will you pay me?” I saw that kid make more money eating moths and other random disgusting things, than I did babysitting.

Even worse, when his sister paid him $2 every-day during Junior Year of High School to pull out his boob in math class and lick his nipple.  That was over $350 to be the gross weird guy in that afternoon math class. Of course Casey refused to watch most days, but would have it verified by someone in class, even though she typically sat a few seats away.

I wonder what it was exactly. You know, that he wouldn’t do for love. – Casey pondered

Then we could decide if we want to pay George to do it. – Alex chimed in. He was usually behind George doing something, and ended up paying for it.

Hmm, I know that for Five Thousand Dollars, I would bang an old lady. I won’t spend the night with her, but I will take her kids to the zoo first. I mean, I’ll be drunk, and they’d have to be old enough to drive me; but yeah. Even if she was 30 years older than me. All saggy and shit. – George shared

Dude, that is so gross. So, basically you are willing to get paid for sex. Just in that situation? Why not all the time?

Wait, do you think that I could get paid all the time for sex? That might be better than what I’m doing now. – We could see the dollar signs in his eyes at this point.

I don’t think anyone would actually pay you for sex. Maybe as a prank; but based on your dating life; NO BODY WANTS THAT. – Casey always tried to bring him back to reality.

This is how our conversations usually went. One random comment takes us on a rabbit hole of bullshit, shenanigans and general debauchery.

After George’s disappointment in being a sex worker as a new career option; we all shared what we would and wouldn’t do for that $5k.

The most surprising what we would/wouldn’t do came from Chloe. In fact, it wasn’t even just a what if moment; it was what she had already done.

As a bartender, this bachelor party came in one night, and as one would expect, they gravitated to her. I mean who wouldn’t, she was an attractive bad ass. Doesn’t hurt, during those days she always shared her cleavage, they got better tips ya know. So, this bachelor party came into the bar after their day of golfing to continue drinking. The best man, pulled her to the side and made an offer, she didn’t want to refuse. He offered her an extra $250 if she would give the beer bottle for the groom-to-be a little extra spunk, ya know, wet willy style. Those were his exact original words. Chloe didn’t let him be bashful; as she repeated ‘So you’d like me to take your friends bottle and insert just the tip in between my legs, on up into the interfolds of my damp pussy. Want me to give it a twirl, and really let my juices get all over the bottle. Do you want him to watch this happen, or will he be surprised?’ Best man, almost fell off the stool he was perched on at that statement. “YES, all of that, and this $250 dollars is yours. Except, I want to watch, just me. Not him. His finance, my sister, would fucking kill me if he watched.”

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