Money. Money. Money.

I would do a lot for love, but I won’t do that.

Well,  I might do that for money. –  George exclaimed.

No one at the table was surprised by that though. There wasn’t much George wouldn’t do for a dollar. When we were all kids and constantly doing the ‘I dare you to _____” George always countered with, “how much will you pay me?” I saw that kid make more money eating moths and other random disgusting things, than I did babysitting.

Even worse, when his sister paid him $2 every-day during Junior Year of High School to pull out his boob in math class and lick his nipple.  That was over $350 to be the gross weird guy in that afternoon math class. Of course Casey refused to watch most days, but would have it verified by someone in class, even though she typically sat a few seats away.

I wonder what it was exactly. You know, that he wouldn’t do for love. – Casey pondered

Then we could decide if we want to pay George to do it. – Alex chimed in. He was usually behind George doing something, and ended up paying for it.

Hmm, I know that for Five Thousand Dollars, I would bang an old lady. I won’t spend the night with her, but I will take her kids to the zoo first. I mean, I’ll be drunk, and they’d have to be old enough to drive me; but yeah. Even if she was 30 years older than me. All saggy and shit. – George shared

Dude, that is so gross. So, basically you are willing to get paid for sex. Just in that situation? Why not all the time?

Wait, do you think that I could get paid all the time for sex? That might be better than what I’m doing now. – We could see the dollar signs in his eyes at this point.

I don’t think anyone would actually pay you for sex. Maybe as a prank; but based on your dating life; NO BODY WANTS THAT. – Casey always tried to bring him back to reality.

This is how our conversations usually went. One random comment takes us on a rabbit hole of bullshit, shenanigans and general debauchery.

After George’s disappointment in being a sex worker as a new career option; we all shared what we would and wouldn’t do for that $5k.

The most surprising what we would/wouldn’t do came from Chloe. In fact, it wasn’t even just a what if moment; it was what she had already done.

As a bartender, this bachelor party came in one night, and as one would expect, they gravitated to her. I mean who wouldn’t, she was an attractive bad ass. Doesn’t hurt, during those days she always shared her cleavage, they got better tips ya know. So, this bachelor party came into the bar after their day of golfing to continue drinking. The best man, pulled her to the side and made an offer, she didn’t want to refuse. He offered her an extra $250 if she would give the beer bottle for the groom-to-be a little extra spunk, ya know, wet willy style. Those were his exact original words. Chloe didn’t let him be bashful; as she repeated ‘So you’d like me to take your friends bottle and insert just the tip in between my legs, on up into the interfolds of my damp pussy. Want me to give it a twirl, and really let my juices get all over the bottle. Do you want him to watch this happen, or will he be surprised?’ Best man, almost fell off the stool he was perched on at that statement. “YES, all of that, and this $250 dollars is yours. Except, I want to watch, just me. Not him. His finance, my sister, would fucking kill me if he watched.”

Pandemic Dating?

Trying to “date” during a global pandemic is definitely a challenge. In fact, most guys that Claire matched with and talked to, just wanted one thing.

This time, Claire thought things would be different. Sure Abe was slightly outside of her typical age range, only a year or two though, and sure, he lived an hour farther away than she perferred; but whats a 90-minute difference when you can’t really meet anyone in person anyhow. If things worked out and they eventually met, and even better if a true relationship formed, they could figure it out from there. One thing she learned during this situation, is she could successfully do her job from anywhere.

She’d had some great conversations with Abe so far, talking about sports, drinks, movies, childhood, things they both missed from their hometowns. He was a genuine nice guy. Kept telling her different options for whenever they would have their first real date. Would they hit up some breweries, or maybe the zoo with a picinic, the possibilities were endless. It sounded like they would probably try and meet up soon, as scary as that was; things were starting to open back up.

Claire got home from Tammy’s low-key birthday dinner, and was feeling a little tipsy, so opened another bottle of wine. Three sips in, a notification on her phone, a message from Abe.

How is your night tonight

Good, had a great night

Me also

Haha super buzzed

Same, I might be a little buzzed, and having another drink

No comment

And horny

Followed by a back and forth of a slew of emojis, smiley faces, crying laughing, purple horned devil, blushing. That was an unexpected turn.

Maybe just me

What are you feeling

Followed by a group of monkey’s covering their eyes. This was a first, was he really being that coy in where he wanted this conversation to go? Claire understood completely, Abe was not going to work out, but maybe she could have a little fun.

Definitely a little horny tonight. For sure.

Haha you need a spanking

Maybe? Are you going to give me one?

If you want one

What else should I give you?

I guess that depends on if I’m being naughty or nice

I think you are naughty

I know I am

Oh, ya?

What does a naughty girl deserve?

Lots of things

Like what?

Do I have to choose one

Yes, please

How naughty on a scale of one to ten

Naughty level 9

Tie you up and give you a tongue bath

Then a spanking

And  suck on your nipples

Something with my hard cock

What will it take for me to be naughty enough to get us here?

You are my master your pleasure is what I want

What if while at a restaurant, I whisper in your ear that I want your cock in my mouth, as I gently trace the outline through your pants

Definitely, thats hot

It would make me so hard

I would bend you over and spank you right there

Then rub my cock all over your clit

Tease you til you beg for more

Can we go in to the bathroom and fuck. What level of naughty is that

A seven

What level of naughty would it be to fuck you in the bathroom really hard

Well, that part isn’t naughty, it’s expected

Pull your hair

And then cum

And eat you out

Til you have multiple orgasms

well what could I do to make you more wet

Give you a beer  and fuck you while drinking it

a finger in the rear

I want you to have shaking orgasms, uncontrollable pleasure

I am so hard right now, I hope you are wet

So wet

I want your mouth on my cock

I want to taste you

And rub your clit with my tongue

Then I’m gonna spank your naughty little ass

No escaping the pleasure train

Start by biting your neck some

While firmly craddling your boobs, sucking your nipples while grabbing your ass

Shoving my rock hard cock in your mouth to choke on

Suck this Claire

I have lots of cum in my balls

Then I”ll throw you down and lick your Labia

Teasing you

Now just the inner crease of your thighs, no lips or clit

Kiss them softly

Teasing makes me want more

Then I’ll pull my cock out and rub it on your lips

No begging, You will get the cock when I say you get it

You are too good for my hard cock

I’ll rub just the tip on your clit

Up and down

And side ways

You are so wet, but I won’t give you  anymore

Then I slide it in a single huge thrust

Then one after another

Pounding like a jackhammer

You won’t be able to walk all week

Thrust after thrust of my veiny cock

I won’t cumI will have you shaking

How can Abe last so long

He is shaking you

You can’t think from all of the cock

Claire had to give Abe some credit, he was for the most part saying some really great things. Only every once and again did it seem a little weird, out of place. But hey, maybe some of it was a little autocorrect, or something.

Begging me, please Abe cum

And I keep thrusting more

You haven’t had enough

Never enough, I always want more

Then I will switch over to doggy style

So I can deeply thrust my cock and spank you

So deep

Deeper and deeper

Have you had enough?

Give me more

Thrust after thrust

Your pussy is swollen

From the pounding

Grabbing your tits and squeezing while thrusting more

You are mine, you haven’t had enough yet

Harder, don’t stop

Spanking the naughty woman, Claire

And pounding over and over again

Thrust after thrust

My dick is sore, but she hasn’t had enough

Throw her over and start missionary

Thrusting deep

Using my upper penis area to rub her clit while thrusting

thrust after thrust

Her pussy is wet

Grab her tits while thrusting

While my rock hard cock slides in and out

She has never been fucked so hard

In and out

Making her squirt

Pinching her nipples and thrusting hard

Slowly sucking, gentle at first

Then switching to a teasing bite

Up and down around her breasts

Claire squirts all over my cock

And I fuck her harder

I have a goal now

Give her the hardest orgasms

Make her not be able to walk at work

Back and forth thrusting

She doesn’t believe in the Abe

Even if he cums

He will cum back

His dick pulsating as it is in her tight wet vagina

She is squirming with joy

Then I cum with my dick pulsatingI switch to my tongue in your clit

While fingering you

I have the fingers of a god

They are guitar fingers after all

Starting with one

In and out

Trying to find that G spot

Harder, faster, more

There is a huge wet spot on the bed I lick up

My cock is in your mouth again

Go deeper

Lick it all

Play with my balls

My cock with choke you

My hands will be wrapped around your neck

Bend you over and rub my dick on your ass

Not quite letting you slide your cock in.

I’m gonna give you a teasing dance that gets you throbbing

My cock wants to slide in

I have blue balls

Its harder now than ever

I want nothing more that to be inside Claire

You spin me around, have had enough teasing

I rub my hard cock along your clit, teasing the opening with the tip

I will rub your clit raw

If you let me

The tip of my dick, wet with precum

Rubbing your clit with my magic fingers

Slow and fast and everything in between

You can’t escape my my pleasure

When we can’t take it anymore, I’ll take it all in one swoop

Letting your cock get nice and deep

Damn, so hot

All in that pussy

So deep

And tight

I am shaking

Ride me like a bullI won’t be tamed

Up and down

Up and down

I am a stallion

Ride me hard you naughty girl

I want you to squirt for me

I want your pussy juice all over me

I will bite at your nipples

And squeeze your breasts hard

While I’m inside of you

I bite your lower lip

And slowly pull

Then bite the upper

Pull your hair and thrust with my cock

Spanking you hard

Giving you bruises

As I thrust deep

I hit your G spot harder, and harder

You are quivering

I put my dick in your mouth

Make you taste how wet you are

Before fucking you even harder

And that ladies and gentlemen, is the last words Claire heard from the elusive Abe. Got the job done, she didn’t need the vibrator that night, and then was back to square 0 in pandemic dating the next morning. Well, I suppose having fun while it lasted counted for something.

Bathroom Mysteries

“Leena, WE DONT CRY OVER BOYS. He’s a Piece of Shit, Forget about him”

Yes Girl, Speak that truth. I thought. I was about to speak up and say as much when, apparently Leena had to share her own thoughts in between sobs

“But he’s not a piece of shit. He knows where my labia is”

Well damn girl, if that’s the best thing he knows, DUMP. HIS. ASS. Deciding to no longer speak up and agree, I silently flushed the toilet and went to wash my hands. Still wanting to hear more about this shit show, but not wanting to make it obvious to Leena and her friend, there were other girls in the bathroom.

Another girl emerged from a stall, clearly not Leena or her friend. I could tell she was as intently listening as I was, Leena droning on about why she won’t get rid of her shitty boyfriend, and all the reasons why she wants to.
The other girl and I exchanged a look, holding back our laughter, for not wanting to ruin their moment.

“Maybe. I should. Just start dating girls. They will know where to find my labia. But I won’t be able to escape to the girls room anymore.”

“Leena, stop crying. Put your big girl pants on, and let’s go back and join our friends””But, I….”

I had to walk out, couldn’t control my need to laugh my ass off anymore. The other girl came up to me after we both had exited, and we had a good laugh over what we heard. Renacting it for my friend I was sitting with.

“Ok, so this is what we are gonna do, go to your moms and get ready.”

“But I hate my mom.”

“Get over it, she has the best lighting to get us ready. We are going to get us some new men tonight!”

“Damn, you are shiny.”

“Thats because I pit the shimmery stuff on in Jeremy’s car. You can borrow it when we get to your moms”

“Cool. Mine is better. I think I left some there last time.”

MMMM, I wonder if anyone actually checked their IDs tonight. These girls sound like babies.

“I mean why don’t you just move in with him?”

“I can’t move in with Barrett, he doesn’t make enough money for a two bedroom, and I need a second bedroom for all my stuff. Besides, I might be moving out of town. Don’t tell anyone yet, but I’ve been interviewing for a job. I’m not telling him about it until its a done deal and I’m moving.”

“Wait, so are y’all gonna break up?”

“Duh, he won’t be able to handle my sophistication, when I make more money than him. And I’m definitely not going to do a long distance thing with Barrett of all people.”

“So, when will you know about this job?”

A phone rings”OMG, Barrett is calling me now. What the hell? I’m putting it on speaker… Hi. whats up Barrett?”

“Um, can you come back to the table now? Y’all have been gone forever, and I’m starting to feel embarrassed. What are you doing in there anyhow. I didn’t see a line.”

I could picture not only the one “with” Barrett but all of those girls rolling there eyes at that. It was almost as if I could hear it, from a safe distance in my own stall within the bathroom. Hell, I even rolled my eyes at that statement.
“Don’t get your panties in a wad, Barrett. We’ll be back in a minute.”

I could also picture her hitting the done button with such vengenance and emotion. That made me smile.

“I can’t wait to get out of here. If all goes well, within a few weeks, I’ll be on my way to a city full of new opportunities. Goodbye Barrett.”

“So, um. Stace, when you leave, would you, um, be mad, if I, um, If I dated Barrett?”

And the plot thickens. I hope I’m not the only sane person hearing this drama. Can’t wait to share it.

“Ya know what, Meg. Go right ahead. In fact, you want me to arrange that for y’all tonight? I am down for that then he’d be all yours. Save me the trouble of him whining when I break it off. Come on”

“Wait, that isn’t quite what I….. damn. One more quick look in the mirror for me, and damn yes, I look good. Come on girls, let’s score us Barrett”

I was almost dumbfounded at this, I definitely needed to hurry up so I could watch this unfold. I had a feeling Barrett might not be as all for this change of events.

Okay, in the bathroom again, for the umteenth time tonight, maybe this time will be quick with no overheard nonense.  

“Jenn, is that you in here?”

“‘Yes, I’m here. What’s up?”

“I hate using this stall, I was almost done when I remembered Kate had sex in here last week.”

“Which one are you in, the big one. I mean, I knew they had sex in here, but didn’t really ask questions”

“Where exactly do you think they did it? On the toilet?”

“Gross, I don’t know.”

“Gross is right, I don’t think I can be friends with someone that had sex on a toilet”

That’s it, my night is done. I can’t overhear anything else tonight or I might explode. Also, make a mential note to never use the handicap stall in this place.

Mister Fanstic

Our meet story is so great. My friend and I randomly sat next to him, and honestly I don’t know if he was there when we sat down or if he came and sat next to us. We must have had a lull in our conversation, because we both acknowledged him when we overheard him telling a story to someone, maybe his friend or maybe the bartender; and we or probably just one of us, interrupted and butt in. We agreed, that we would do the same fucking thing that he was telling in his story. After that, the rest in history…

HIstory in that, after I got to know him, I was lucky enough to learn his secret. A secret, I hope I won’t have to share with anyone else.

This man, somehow, can manipulate the size of his penis. Not kidding. This isn’t just a “he fits me like a glove” bullshit scenario. He can literally manipulate the size, shape, all dimensions of his penis. Flaccid, hard. All of it. Think Mr. Fantastic, except, he only has the capability of manipulating his penis. The rest of his body is what nature gifted him.
I’ve seen his penis swell to match the girth and length of my 9″ Monster Dildo. I’ve seen it curve in just the right spot to hit my right spot.  I’ve seen it grown in length like Pinnoccio when I’m licking on his balls. I’ve seen in shrink to pinky size, when he’s asked to, or he’s feeling a little self-conscious.

I’m not saying I treat his Fantastic Penis like a magic trick, and ask him to perform. Ok, maybe, I’ve asked for that once in a while. But he always offers, so that’s not really me being awful, right?

Most of the time, I don’t direct him specifically on what to do with his Fantastic penis, because, well frankly, I don’t have to. Literally fits me like a glove, and hits all the spots he needs to hit.

Can we monetize this gift, how much would you pay for the perfect penis, which you can then make a mold you can carry with you?

Does he know what the perfect shape will be, or do you?  Or he like a curious worm, filling all the nooks and crannies to get it right?

I’ve been seriously contemplating lately, whether or not I want some of my friends, or even others to experience the fantasticness that is him. But I’m also genuinely curious, as to how far will this magic extend. Will he be doing a special trick one day and be stuck, like monkey penis or elephant? Curve like an S straw, or something equally as awful?


Most embarassing story of my life. Well, the parts I remember are super embarassing, the parts other people have filled in, is more embarassing, but since I don’t actually remember those, they didn’t happen, right? I’m sharing my most embarassing story with you all now, so that you can learn from where I went wrong, and don’t embarass yourself the same way. Bare with me on the back story, I feel like it helps to set the tone of that dreadful night.

So here I was, just moved to a new city for grad school. I didn’t know a single person in town besides a few professors I had met during pre-acceptance interviews and visits. I rented an apartment sight unseen based on a recommendation from a friend that had previously lived in that town as a child, and proximity to campus. The online reviews were okay, but I didn’t put much stock into those. What normal person has time to actually do a review?

My big move-in weekend arrived, I had a couple of friends help me move, I didn’t have a lot of big stuff. Actually, I had no big stuff besides a TV. Just some clothes and stuff. I had gotten a furnished apartment, so just two cars full of stuff was all I had. When I arrived to the apartment clubhouse to check in and get my keys, everythings seemed great. Unfortunately, I’d be on the second floor, but that didn’t matter much, it wasn’t like we were moving furniture. I went in first, and bam, no furniture. As my doting friends made trips carrying in my stuff, I went back to the clubhouse office to see what the deal was. They found where I had agreed for a furnished apartment, but apparently Karen didn’t make the order with the furniture company and doesn’t work there anymore, so? They placed an order, but it would be a few days before it could get there. No major problem there, I have a bean bag I can sleep on for a few nights, or maybe be a little mischevious and spend the night somewhere else?
My friends had already gotten a hotel room for two nights, so I ended up crashing with them. We all got so drunk, that we ended up fallining alseep in just one room; most of us on the same bed. That’s how we roll. After my friends went home, I attempted to meet some of my neighbors, but they seemed like they didn’t care. OK, then.

First couple of days of class, I met a few classmates, most seemed nice enough, but everyone seemed pretty well established in town. The first weekend I went out of town to see some friends. They gave me the confidence boost that once I return, I should go check places out by myself, and make some new friends. I am awesome and people like me. It was almost a dare.

That Monday in class, I casually asked if anyone wanted to grab drinks or dinner that evening. One taker, Jenny, said she could meet me for a drink later that evening. She suggested a beer bar, I said sure, no way was I going to not let her choose the place. We exchanged numbers and she agreed to meet me around 7. I looked the place up online and saw they also had food, perfect. I was starving already, not having time or desire to grocery shop since I got back from out of town.

I showed up to the bar really early, planning to eat and scope it out before Jenny was set to arrive. It seemed unusually busy for a Monday evening, but that reaffirmed for me it was a great spot. I was able to snag two stools at the bar.  The two bartenders seemed nice enough, a blonde and a guy with a beard. Let let me try a bunch of beers, I found a couple I liked and drank and ate, waiting on Jenny.

After a little while, there were a lot of people there. Apparently, there was a big sports championship game on TV that a lot of people came out to watch. About 645, Jenny messaged me that she wasn’t going to make it. Damn. Well already a few beers in, I might as well stay and drink.
Giving up my second saved stool, I thought maybe this would be an opportunity to randomly meet and chat with someone else. So I switched to vodka soda, thinking that’d be less bloated feeling than the beer. Soon enough my plan was working; there was a natural break next to me, so many people that came up to the bar to order more drinks came and stood by me. Most of them struck up conversation with me, nothing spectacular or love at first sight; but took some of the boredom out of my night. I even tried to watch the “big game” but didn’t have a clue what was going on, so gave that up quickly. A few people even bought me a shot. Shots are definitly not my favorite, but hey, when a cute boy is buying, why say no.

Watching this sad girl talk to everyone that got close enough to hear her for the last couple of hours was pretty pathetic. You could tell she was lonely, and I felt a twinge of empathy for her, but watching  this shit show unfold, was definitely her doing. I hope she was trying to make a joke when she pressured Ryan to buy her a shot, while talking to him about the last goal scored. I suppose, technically a touchdown is a goal scored, but she seemed too intelligent to that point, not get it. Ryan thought she was cute so bought her a couple of shots, all in all, even though he had no intentions for her. She didn’t know that. So sad.

Switching to vodka soda and doing shots, after drinking a few beers, was maybe not the best idea. It certainly made me have to pee, a lot. I think this last time I went to the bathroom, I might have been a litte tipsy. I don’t think I was walking straight for sure. Maybe this was a good time to switch to water and sober up a bit before going home. But when I got back to my stool, I saw someone had brought me another vodka soda and was waiting to take another shot. Well damn, this guy was cute. He bought me a shot a while ago, I think he said his name was Kevin, or Kyle, maybe? We did the shot, I thanked him for the drinks, and he stood there while we chatted for a while. He was asking all kinds of questions, jeez, I hope I didn’t sound as drunk as I felt.

Damn, who gave that chick another shot. Damn it Kyle, I aught to cut him off too. She definitely needs to be cut off now. I’m going to just bring her a water. I have a feeling she’s going to be the death of us tonight. This should have been a nice easy night. Fuck, did she just fall off the stool. I don’t get paid enough for this shit.

Okay, definitely done drinking and switching to water now. I almost fell off my bar stool, again. Of course, the cute boy talking to me saw it. He acted like he didn’t care, which is cool. He also asked me to come home with him and his girl friend; well damn, I wasn’t that drunk. Not into that kind of thing. Well, mostly not into it, not in my first month here. I don’t know what that scene is like here. Thank God, the hot bartender brought me a water; its like our brain waves connected.

My water kept getting refilled, so i’m not sure how many I had. I was feeling pretty good, peed a lot more, feeling pretty good. So when that guy Ryan offered me another round on him, how could I refuse. Damn, that last shot with him was good. He was cute, maybe he’d ask me to come home with him. He kept buying my drinks and shots all night, he had to be single right? Unless this was a known swinger/hook-up spot and I just didn’t know that. I mean, it didn’t have the kind of vibe for that sorta of place, at least in my experience, but hey – new town, who knows.
Dammnit. I’m gonna kill her for letting that chick get another drink. Just because she drank some waters, doesn’t mean she needed more.I guess the game is over, this bar seemed to really clear out. One last shot from the cute boy I can’t remember his name. Oh well, fuck… that last one hit differently. Maybe I’ve had to much, I better go to the bathroom and splash some water on my face.

FUCK. Is she throwing up on the floor? FUCK. Let me push her  towards the bathroom at least, its easier to clean up in there. Why is it this hard to herd a drunk chick, usually its not this difficult. Why does she keep stopping. Ugh….. OH UGGG….. She just wiped her throw-up covered hand all over my face, I think it got in my mouth…. What the fuck is wrong with her? Finally, she’s in the bathroom, I’ll deal with her later. Going to  throw-up and clean my head now, so fucking gross. What the FUCK.I guess I’m clean enough for now, let me go check on this chick. What the fuck? Why is she naked, and in the middle of the floor. I can’t, I’m done, I’m tapping out.That chick, she sure enough was naked. Not only did she take her clothes off, she put them in the sink and because of the faucets being automatic, her clothes were completely soaked. I can’t even with this. What possesses someone to do that, in a public restroom? Luckily she had stopped throwing up, and seemed to just be mostly passsed out. I found a  large tshirt from a vendor in the back, I dressed her in it and  got her to sit up. Since we pretty much closed early, not dealing with this, and it fit her like a dress, I convinced her to come back and sit on the bar stool. Drink more water and close out her tab. Also, how the fuck was her tab only $40, half of which was food, and she was this drunk. Damn boys getting her ass drunk. I remember not keeping that last shot down, and then drinking water again at the bar. I was ready to go home. I closed out my tab, which was a little more than I planned on, but hey it wasn’t too bad. I think I went ahead and tipped well.
She was barely awake at the bar, I would have expected her to tip a little more, but 20% isn’t bad.I can’t believe she let her sit back at the bar, butt-ass naked, and fed her more water. And fuck her tip, I deserved more than 20% to deal with that.I don’t remember getting home. But woke up in my parking lot in my car, in a t-shirt that wasn’t mine at 6am, with my clothes wet in a bag. What the hell happened, and how did I get here?

I’m done with this chick. She won’t tell us her address so we can’t send her home in a car. Her phone is dead. I’m going to put her in her car, and throw the keys in the backseat and hope for the best. She’s gonna pass out again as soon as she falls asleep. If I see her leave within the next few minutes, I’ll just call the cops and report her. I’m ready to go home for a real shower and I gotta get this work done, I can’t be having her throw up in here again.Well she lasted almost 2 hours, before she took off. All the best to her. We are NEVER serving her again here.

So moral of my story, is don’t drink to much when you are by yourself.

My Friend Dig

Let me tell you about my friend Adam. We called him The Digger, sometimes I shorten that to just Dig. That’s more fun to tell people. They usually don’t ask. But occassionally they do. So this is the story behind it.

Adam was our player friend in college. He was always bringing home a different girl. Sometimes they hung around for a couple of weeks, like literally we saw them 24/7 for a couple of weeks, we’d refer to them as this month’s clinger. But mosty it was a one night situation. The older we got though, the less frequent his visitors became. I don’t want to think he was doing anything wrong or different, but my girlfriend informed me that he was getting creepy, continuing to try and get the youngest girls, and not sticking to his appropriate age group.
So fast forward, Adam is in all of his friends weddings, as we all settled down when we found the one. And he is creepily still trying to hook up with 20 year olds, even when living in his Dad’s shed. Yup, you read that correctly, he is living in his father’s shed. He converted the shed to a living space, if you can call it that. No windows, a door that can be locked, no running water, he has a bucket in the corner he pees in. He does have electricity and a refridgerator. But yeah, its still a fucking shed. That’s the kind of pathetic guy Adam is. But we still are friends with him, because we grew up with him, you know.

Okay, so back to the story behind the name. One of our friends got divorced after just a couple of years, so a couple of us were trying to support him, and we ended up going out for drinks once a week or so. We weren’t necessarily trying to get Gabe hooked up, but just offer some support. Adam didn’t get that memo. On more than one occassion of our weekly hang-outs, we caught him in the bathroom or on the patio or even outside the door, always with what we assume was an underage, and every time elbow deep in her pants.
Over a couple of months, it was the same, just about weekly with Adam. I tried to remind him why we were getting together, and it was to support Gabe. And his propensity to act like a man whore wasn’t really helping. Especially since, as it turned out, his marriage ended because Gretchen found a much older man to be her sugar daddy and didn’t want to be married to Gabe anymore. He just didn’t see the issue, why the friend group consistently called him douche canoe.

One night in particular, I remember was the absolute reason The Digger stuck. We went to a different place than normal, trying to mix it up. We had a table in what they called ‘The Lounge’, sounds fancy but really was just some old gross couches instead of regular chairs. Adam was actually sticking with the group. I assumed it was because this wasn’t a place where there were a lot of young girls, at least not on a Wednesday night. We were thinking he was taking a long time to bring back another round or hit the head, but assumed that meant he was just striking out. Otherwise, he wouldn’t return at all. It turns out that place got pretty packed that night before we all shut it down. Right before Gabe and I decided to leave, Adam was supposed to be going to grab one more round, but he never returned, so we decided done. We headed to the bar to close our tabs, and see the douche canoe himself, Gabe at the bar with a young chick, elbow deep in her pants. AT THE BAR!
We stood back and watched him for a second, unsure of what we were actually seeing. Gabe said “Dude, it looks like he’s actually digging for gold in her fucking pants. New twist on the term golddigger, huh?” My reply. “That is solid gold, his new nickname, from now until forever shall be The Digger. He doesn’t even deserve the Gold part of what you said.”

Eventually, The Digger was shortened to just Dig, mostly by my wife who loves to hate Adam. For sure, she doesn’t actually hate him, but she doesn’t miss an opportunity to let him know he’s the worst. And when its a larger group of us or meeting new people, Dig is an easier thing than The Digger, which always led to questions. I’ll admit, Dig is a even a little douchier, but has less questions. When someone is around for long enough though, they always get the full Digger story.

William & Gracie??

Funny how things happen some time. I was told once, its not appropriate to say should or shouldn’t, but do or don’t. That what may happen in the future doesn’t matter, only what does or does not actually happen, matters.

So, Kathy matched with Michael on one of the dating apps. They exchanged some flirty banter; then he asked her what she was looking for. She, looking for something  real, and knowing that it was unlikely to find something actually real from an app, was skeptical, naturally. Kathy’s response was something new, no real expectations.

He said, are you good with just friendship? She responded, of course. I’m here for something real, whatever that looks like.

He responded with good. Because, I’m recently divorced and a closet gay, so I’m looking for someone that can help teach me the ropes. Have you ever been friends with a gay man?

Kathy said, sure. I’ve not bee in a strict Will & Grace situation, but yeah, I’m friends wit gay men.

Michael kept pushing the situation, of him being gay but behind the scenes, and not knowing how to act.
Sure, Kathy was supportive of Michael being who he wanted to be. Yes, she clearly wasn’t gonna get dick from him; but a new friend wasn’t the worst situation.

Yet, Michaels idea of a new “bestie” wasn’t quite normal. Apparently, he wanted someone to not only teach him the “ways of the gays” (what does that even mean), but to berate him and make an example of him being a shitty human; in public.

Conversation quickly went from; can you dominate and punish me for wasting a woman’s time for all these years, when clearly I wanted dick; to can you be pleasured by a man and then let me lick up their mess?

Kathy says; like please explain more. What do you mean, clean up their mess?

Michael shared, well, after you hook up with whatever guy, whether y’all just play around or have sex, I just know you will be dripping with juices of one sort of another; so, I want you to come over before the shower and let me lick up the remaining juices.

But you’ve told me you don’t like girls. Only men. So., why do you want to “lick the extra juices from me?” Sometimes, its a clean hook-up, I get that. But most the time, I suspect you will be dripping with juices, down your leg, all around your pussy. I was married, I can handling licking up the juices from wherever you have them.

I suppose that would be fine. If I’m home, you’d have to come to me after he leaves, I won’t leave first without cleaning up. And I definitely not letting hime spend the night.

I guess if I happen to go to his house, and he pleasures me, and then fucks me there. When we are done, I’m gonna leave and go home. So yeah, maybe in that scenario I would come to you and let you do your thing. I don’t have a lot of fuck buddies at the moment, but the one I do have; he’s not gonna creampie in me, so, you’ll absolutely only get my juices.


So, when we hang out in public, are you going to be able to punish me?

If you deserve it?

So, spending 15 years married to a woman, when I like dick, doesn’t make me deserve it?

I hear you, and get your point. Yet,  everyone hides something from themselves and the outside world at some point; does that make you a bad person. No. Does it make you confused/lost; sure. Are you now actively trying to find yourself; sure. It’s okay; everyone deserves that. Can I paddle your ass with a legitamite wooden paddle; sure, I have one, I was greek in college,

But, can you punish me and berate me and discipline me in public?

Oh, so you are looking for a Dom. Yeah, I can do that. And not only do that, I will absolutely live up to all the fantasies you’ve shared with me, and probably some you haven’t. But, its’ going to be on my terms; and how I say. You sit back and listen.

So, yea, I can Dom you in public. I have no problem berating and being a complete dick/showing someone who is the boss; when they deserve it. I’m not sure you actually deserve it, but sounds like you actually want it.

truth time –

After your initiaal deserve it time ; I can only berate/degrade/be mean when you deserve it. Sure, I can be your DOM all the time; but sometimes I need a break, and will need to seek others for that outlook. So if thats all good, lets do this!!!

OH! Teacher

My friend Jack told me this incredibly unbelievable story that he hooked up with our teacher. I guess technically she was our former teacher, since we graduated High School last week. Still, I didn’t believe a word he said. This is the story he told:

At the post graduation baseball celebration ceremony dinner, most of the parents left and a bunch of us guys were shooting some basketballs around that Zack had broken into the closet to get. A few teachers, including  Ms. Sloan. As the crowd got smaller, someone snuck in a bottle of tequila and most of the guys and some of their girlfriends were drinking. Ms. Sloan told Assistant Principal Bellding that she’d stay with us stragglers and lock-up. “Give the boys this last  game of pick-up and good memories for their time here”. A while later, while people were cleaning up, leaving, and just kinda milliing around; Ms. Sloan threw me her keys and asked me to pull her car closer to the entrance. She drove a new cherry red Charger, so of course I jumped at it.  Her car smelled just like I imagined she did, you know up close. I didn’t give her keys back to her as soon as I had moved her car. Instead I waited for her to ask, when just about everyone else was gone. She asked me if I moved her car, and where her keys were. I said, yes, of course I did, and here there are; closing the distance between us, I went for it. I slapped her ass as I handed her the keys back.

She exclaimed “Oh! You Naughty Boy!”I told her ‘Yes, ma’am. School is over, you aren’t my teacher anymore, I saw my chance and did something I’ve been wanting to do for years'”Well, if we are going to do things like that, do not call me ma’am. You may call me Olga. And we should keep in touch, now that we are friends and all”

I was stunned, but definitely got her phone number. The next day was full of flirty conversations, where I confessed I’ve been daydreaming about seeing her naked body for a solid three-years. She invited me over, and I went. I showed up and she offered alcohol, weed, and food. So yea, I asked for food. She shared with me some kind of shark coochie board, it was basically cheese and meat. She pulled out and smoked from the coolest bong I’d ever seen. She put on a movie I actually wanted to see, and we started to watch.

Maybe 15 or 20 mins into the movie, she took her shirt off, exposing her sexy black bra, and straddled me, asking “Is this what you were expecting?” ‘Uh No. I had no expectations. But, now seeing this, I want to see the rest!’  And she obliged. Easy Peasy. No awkward conversations, or should we do this or not. Just boom, we were making out. Then we went to her bedroom. She stripped my clothes off and told me to lie on the bed. That moment was a little awkward for sure; but she came out of the bathroom in the sexiest black lacy lingerie I’ve ever seen. Damn, I thought I was going to bust a nut right then and there. We started to make out some more, and  started to really mess around. She asked if  I had brought a condom. ‘Shit. I didn’t. I don’t keep them on me. Damn’  “Don’t worry she said” as she reached over to this wooden box on her nightstand that I hadn’t noticed and  said “You have options. What’s your preference?” Looking through her box, she didn’t just have condoms in there, but I wasn’t caring about all of that, I just wanted to penetrate her. And so I did. A couple more times that evening and night before I went home.

So as much as I don’t think of Jack as a liar, I just can’t believe Ms. Sloan would have fucked him. I mean, I thought she was married. I met her husband at some of the basketball games last season. He insists it happened, and just like he said.  And that its’ been apparently happening frequently since then.

Not giving it much more thought, we made plans to hang out a few days after he told me about Olga. Honestly, I didn’t realize her first name was Olga, and that’s kind of a turn on, in a I’ve been naughty kind of teacher way. 

Jack called and told me to get ready, he’s picking me up in 10 minutes and we are going swimming. Awesome, I thought, I love going swimming. Hope the girls will be there, Marco Polo and Chicken Fights are my favorite way to flex my strength and throw the girls around.

We chatted about random stuff, mostly the shenanigans of our siblings on the way there. I forgot to even ask where we were going. He pulled into a neighborhood I didn’t recognize, slowed down, and said we are going to Olga’s Pool. I tried to keep a poker face, but was like, ‘Are you kidding me? You are joking right? Where are we really going?’ “Fine, don’t believe me. You’ll see. Just play it cool and don’t be a dick.”

I shit you not, we pulled up, and Olga greeted us at the door. She welcomed both us in as if it was a normal occurrence. Gave us both a big hello hug and kiss on the cheek. She immediately offered us beer and brought us to the pool. No awesome bong, I thought.  By the pool we listed to music drank some beer, and she brought out one of those Shark Coochie Boards that Jack told me about from “the first time”. And then she offered the bong. I was stunned, could Jack have been right all along? I grabbed another beer and got in the pool. I was slightly bummed that there weren’t any girls for me there; I mean I felt like Jack was too much of a prude to engage in a threesome with me.

Jack followed her inside for some bong action. Hahaha. Bong Action. More like bone action. They thought I haven’t seen them making eyes at each other, and slight inappropriate touches. After what I felt like was long enough to hit the bong a couple of times; I got out of the pool and peered into the window. Damn glad I did that.

They were in the kitchen, she must have dropped something, because she was bent over, her bikini still on, and he smacked her ass. I felt a twinge of regret for watching them through the window, like some Peeping Tom, but it soon passed. She stood up, turned around and kissed him. Like movie quality, all-in kiss. That was all he needed to pick her up off the ground and set her on the counter. They made out that way for another minute or two,  then she reached over and grabbed his hard cock out of his swim trunks. It wasn’t like I’ve never seen Jack’s dick before, but not quite like that. Yet, I couldn’t look away.

She stroked his dick, while they made out. Then she jumped down off the counter, and got on her knees, moved her bikini top so her breasts were fully exposed, and started giving Jack a BJ.  At this, I not only could not look away, it was like I was watching a porn, so my hand gravitated to my own cock. As her mouth sucked and licked, I stroked and stroked. He stopped her, probably to avoid prematurely finishing in her mouth, haha. Amature.  Lifted her off the floor, ripped her bikini bottoms off, like seriously I think he ruined them, and picked her up, sliding her onto his throbbing hard dick. I can’t say for sure if he did or did not mask up, but I didn’t care, I was moments away from finishing myself, good thing there was a plant I could splurge on. He carried her to the wall, so her back was up against it, whole time continuing to have her ride his cock. I’ll say, I was impressed. As she let out the muffled scream of what I imagined was her orgasm, I shuddered with my own. I tried to not make a noise, but unlike her, I didn’t have anyone’s hand over my mouth. I guess Jack heard my grunt, because he looked over, and we made eye contact. As I stood motionless, he went back to Olga, and banged her even harder, causing he to scream another orgasm and him to finish too.

Well, I’ll be damned. Jack didn’t lie about Olga, I guess his original story was believable after all.

Serena got played

 Katie answered the phone at work, like any other night, “The Booth, how can I help you?”. “I need you to stop sleeping with my boyfriend” came the sassy voice on the other end. “I’m sorry, who are you trying to reach?” “I know it’s you Jessica, stop fucking my boyfriend” “My name is Katie, and we don’t have a Jessica that works here, I think you have the wrong bar” “Well, you may not be Jessica, but you should tell her; I’m coming for her”. What the fuck, was all Katie could think. Clearly its not me, not this time anyhow.  

There were a few other girls that worked at The Booth besides Katie, Caroline but she was dating and living with another bartender there; so clearly it wasn’t her. Molly, but she was married and completely unlikely to be her. Kelsi was single, but didn’t appear to have been seeing anyone for a while now, not really since her last boyfriend, but that ended months ago. Sure she had hung out with a few guys here or there; but nothing lasted more than a couple of days, on purpose for her. Yet, Katie immediately called Kelsi to give her the heads up. 

They joked about it with their co-workers and some of their friends and regulars over the next couple of days. Assuming, some raunchy guy lied to his girlfriend when he got caught cheating on her.

There were plenty of bars in the area, it would be easy to lie about where ‘Jessica’ worked. That wasn’t even likely her name. How many times have you flirted with someone that was fun for the moment but knew it wasn’t going to be a thing, so gave them a fake name.  I know I personally, have played the game. I learned that in college, learning how to have some fun with these random fuk bois that thought they were the shit. Giving them a false name, and really, false personal detail all around was fun. I certainly had more fun talking to them when I knew it wouldn’t lead anywhere, and even more fun when they bought the clearly bullshit info I was giving them. Sure, my name is Anita. Cool, that’s a normal name. Believable. But my major is lion taming, or tambourine. Get real dudes. If they were real douchy, I would start off with my full alter ego name; Anita Dick. Or if I was being a little more coy, Anita Richard. Classic. 

A week or so after the phone call, when everyone had forgotten about it. Until, the mystery caller actually showed up looking for Jessica. Molly and Kelsi were working, Katie was actually sitting at the bar with her friend enjoying a drink, plot twist, her friend Jessica. This chick walks in, alone, straight up to the bar where Kelsi was chatting with Katie, giving her another drink.  “Jessica, I know you’ve been fucking Chris. I don’t care what he told you, I’m his girlfriend, and I’m here to put an end to what you are doing. HE IS MINE.” 

Kelsi had to hold back the laughter. And definitely refused to look at Katie or Jessica. “I’m sorry, are you talking to me? My name is Kelsi”

“Cool, might not be you. But that bartender, down there. That’s Jessica right? Tell her to come here” 

“Ma’am, we don’t have a Jessica that works here. That is Molly. If you aren’t going to order a drink, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave” 

“Wait….” Tears started to erupt from the mystery girl’s eyes, as she sat at an empty bar stool. “Tequila shot, please.”  

Was this a moment where I wanted to step in and try to console this chick, or do I stir the pot (as in my nature), or should I completely ignore her? Choice is mine. “Hey girl, clearly you are in a not good spot. Would it help to talk it out? We will listen” 

“I, uh. Well my boyfriend Chris, he cheated before, when we were in college. But since then, he’s been all into me. And things have been good. But the last month or so, I felt like he was lying to me, and then I discovered he’d been cheating on me. Again. I confronted him about it, and he tried to tell me that we should have a poly relationship, and bring Jessica into our daily routine, even suggested we get a three bedroom apartment so we could all live together and each have our own room. I sat their stunned, and didn’t know what to do. I initially, asked questions, appearing to go along with it; he said she was a bartender here. And that’s when I flipped.

I actually called up here one night and accused whoever it was that answered the phone of being Jessica.” “Yeah, that was me. I told you we don’t have a Jessica that works here. I’m Katie, nice to meet you.” 

“I’m so sorry. I was so overcome with rage after Chris and I had that conversation, I didn’t know what else to do. He was standing next to me, and when he didn’t phase at my reaction, I assumed he was lying to me again. But still, I couldn’t help but to try and believe him still. So after trying to get into his phone for the last few days, and not finding anything, I couldn’t keep putting him off any longer, he needed an answer about whether Jessica could move in. So, now I can’t figure out if he is completely fucking with me, or if this is a thing that’s going to actually happen.” 

“Damn sweetie, I’m sorry this is happening to you. Get rid of this dude now. He clearly is a liar and doesn’t actually give a fuck about you” 

“So, can I jump in for a moment? Hi, I’m Jessica. I don’t work here, but am a regular and friends with quite a few of the bartenders. I’ve been seeing a guy named Chris, but had no idea he had a girlfriend. He didn’t tell me that. Said he had a roommate, named Serena, is that you?”     

The Formative Years

I’m learning you can tell alot about someone how they describe their formative years, especially when talking about sex; as if there is anything else anyone cares above from your formative years. Reminiscing about not just the how one lost their virginity stories; but the details about what lengths some people would go to for sex, can be hilarious and telling.
While most people I know have stories of sex in their bedroom, or a siblings bedroom, some even in their parents bedroom; or friends parents bedroom; all while everyone was out of town, away at work, or even more dangerously during a house party. I’m pretty sure everyone also has a car story, and those are a lot more fun.

Some of the most telling car stories I’ve heard, drive home the point that teenagers don’t have very good sex. I mean, sure it may have been good at the time, but what was there to compare it too? 

Backseat car story: Some mutual friends set them up, they went on a double date, and then he offers to drive her home, even though the girls rode together to dinner. She accepts, because yes, they were having fun. He asks her if she wants to go park in a secluded spot he knows, so they can get to know each other better. Of course she does. They sit in the front for a bit, getting to know each other, which turns into making out. As the windows start to get steamy, he suggests they move to the backseat. More room to explore each other. So moved to the backseat, it was a car, she doesn’t remember what kind, the back seat was roomy enough to explore, for sure. Things turned into car sex, which of course was not great, while the backseat was roomy, he was a big dude and it wasn’t that roomy. Apparently he asked her if he could do anal, to which she claims she didn’t really hear him and agreed anyway. [clearly inexperienced idiot]. they tried to change positions and when that certainly didn’t happen very smoothly, they just gave up.

Frontseat car story: I had this truck that had a full bench seat in the front. My high school girlfriend and I once had sex while I was driving. Then when we were just making out, I hit a brick mailbox and dented my fender. Man, they don’t make trucks like they used to. I was so proud we didn’t hit anything whilst having sex, yet, a little kissing and I fucking hit something. Oh well.I had so many questions to that one. But goes to show, teenagers don’t know how to have good sex, like was it really that good if you didn’t have to take your eyes of the road; or maybe it was just that quick?

Some other more random and funny or just weird ones Ive heard, can also give you some insight into a person. I mean, WE all have these stories, but it can be telling on which ones we decide to share. What do these say about us, or maybe it’s to show how far we’ve come since the formative years.

I had this one boyfriend, he would come over when my parents were at my brothers ball games. We always timed it so he’d arrive right after they left; a few times we almost got busted, because my parents saw him down the road as they were leaving. But anyhow, he would show up right after they left, and we would know we had about 90 mins to play. We never thought to use an alarm clock or kitchen timer; this was back in the day before all things clocks and timers were on our cellphones. So we would play a CD, specific ones of course, can’t quite remember exactly which right now, but we’d know when the music stopped it was time for him to go. Well, this one time, I guess I was fucking with the settings on my dad’s new 5-CD Player that had a remote (so ahead of his time, back then) and was listening to music before he got there, and had a second CD ready to play once he arrived. Well… we lost track of time and my parents showed up he was still there. Oh the music was still playing, because that second CD I switched to, well, i had it programmed to only play one song, on repeat. So for almost two hours, neither one of us noticed it played Jewel’s ‘You Were Meant For Me’. I mean I was sappy back then, and he liked that song too. So ya, we didn’t actually get caught by my parents, but it cost me paying my brother $50 to keep him quiet. Damn technology.

While her music choice doesn’t leave a lot to be desired, kudos for use of technology, and keeping mom and dad in the dark. And I will say, they probably did have some good sex, if he was over for 90+ mins once a week; otherwise, they dumb. To wrap up this fun game of reminiscing of our formative years, I’ll leave this one for you to ponder what it says about him:

The THING to do at my school, was to have sex under the bleachers. Sure a few classmates actually pulled it off during a game, mostly it happened during school hours or on nights/weekends, when not many people were around. A few friends of mine actually thought it was funny to have multiple girls show up and let them pick which one of the guys they wanted and they would all fuck together. Personally, I don’t actually believe it ever happened that way. But this one time that I had sex under the bleachers, this chick Christine, I was crushing on her hard that year. I didn’t think she really knew who I was, we only had one class together. But one day, after that class, she struck up conversation, which we continued all week. On Friday, she told me she’d like to climb my beanstalk under the bleachers. I was shocked, but manned up and was like, ok, let’s go. So we arranged to meet there a little while later. I won’t sugar coat this, I was so nervous, not only was this CHRISTINE, but i’d never had sex, or even made-out under the bleachers; or in that much of a public, anyone could walk up on us at any time. I was kinda shy. I must hav been chewing a big wad of gum; that’s what I do when I’m nervous. Somehow, I forgot to spit it out, it ended up in her mouth, than back in mine, and then I lost track of it when things got hot and heavy. She again told me she wanted to climb my beanstalk, and I panicked for a second because I forgot to ask my friends what that move actually was. I told her okay, and she moved us down a bit to where there was this kinda seat thing. She had me sit down and she wanted to ride my cock like that; oh, I understood, it wasn’t really some crazy move or thing. In retrospect, I should have probably not dropped my pants to my ankle, I mean sitting like that, i could certainly have kept them mostly on (in which case the next part would probably not have happened). So we go to fucking, and somehow, that wad of gum was on the chair or fell from whereever, and with all the movement, started to make its way inbetween my ass cheeks for sure, and then on the bottom of my hairy balls, and then somehow, it was fucking everywhere. Gum, in all the pubic hairs and all over my ass. It was definitely an experience that made the record books; and was the last time I had sex outside in a public place.

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